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What was I still doing here? Searching for a better life? I might have hated my life at the tavern, but being groped was a far cry from being killed. Was this really that much better? Was there a point in me staying on?
16
“You asked for me, Your Highness?” I stepped into the office where Nylah had taken me to meet the King when he’d offered me the position as a warrior for his guard.
“Ellie, come in,” he said with a smile.
I stepped into the office and closed the door. Rainier walked to two large armchairs that faced a fireplace. A fire hadn’t been lit, but it was cozy and surrounded by books. How much time did he spend here? I would have been in these chairs all day if I’d had the chance.
Rainier gestured for me to sit in one chair.
I looked at him expectantly. I wasn’t sure why I’d been called, but I hoped the King had found out more about the attacks that had happened recently.
“I don’t have any answers for you,” Rainier said, as if he could read my mind. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I didn’t think it was going to be very easy. It seems very delicately planned.”
“What makes you say that?” he asked.
“Some of the attacks were arranged by beings inside the palace. Someone knows more than just where I’m going to be and when. They knew what Bessie looked like. They also knew to lock up the warriors when the first attack came from the ‘messengers.’”
Rainier nodded and rubbed his chin. He stared into the fireplace as if flames were present to capture his attention.
“I was hoping we could talk a bit. I want to get to know more about you.”
I was weary. Why did Rainier want to know more? I knew what he thought of me. He respected me, and he was pleased with my progress as a warrior, but there wasn’t anything more. No matter how much I thought we had a connection, we didn’t. It was probably like that with everyone he was around. The intense need to protect him, comfort him, be by him…
It had to be every quality a Fae king possessed or was able to radiate. I’d read too far into it when I shouldn’t have. I knew better.
Rainier was a Fae king. Royalty. Practically a god.
I was just Ellie, a human that could make a mean drink and defend myself from assholes who thought my breasts were stress balls.
“I want to know if there’s something in your past that may lead us down a path I hadn’t considered yet,” Rainier admitted, and I slouched further into the chair. “I’m stuck on this one, Ellie. I’m going to be frank with you. I don’t know what’s going on, and it’s frustrating as hell. I like to be in control. I like to keep my citizens safe, and there’s been too much death and destruction to my liking. We’re not even at war yet!”
He was upset. I couldn’t feel it the way I had before, but I finally understood it. It came down to him as the ruler to take care of it. Everything was like that—the head was the one that bore the weight of responsibility, and I was the unsolved mystery and, frankly, the weak link. No wonder the King showed up to my training when he had so many more responsibilities. No wonder some Fae wanted me dead. I was the idiot who happened to kill a beast that no one else had and just couldn’t die. I was also the moron that thought the King and I had a special connection.
So fucking stupid.
“What do you want to know?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. Nothing about my past was worth knowing. Hell, my past before this was embarrassing as shit.
“Tell me about yourself,” Rainier said. “Just…tell me your story. Don’t try to find something significant. I just want to know more.”
I held back my groan. I wished I’d had a story worthy of being told, one that I could look back and be proud of, all the accomplishments I’d gained despite adversity. I didn’t. I was worthless.
“I don’t have a very exciting story to tell. I was abandoned as a child, so I don’t know my parents. I was left on the doorstep of an orphanage when I was too young to remember, and there wasn’t even a note or anything that could tie me to my parents. I know, it’s your typical sob story that no one expects to actually be someone’s life outside of a novel.”
Rainer leaned forward, his brows furrowing. “You don’t remember your parents at all?”
I sighed and glanced at the dark, empty fireplace. “Sometimes, I think I dream about her. My mom. But I don’t know—maybe I’m just making it up. Scenarios about my past that I wanted to be true, because I’d know where I’d come from.”
My voice faded, but my brain filled it in with the words of my foster parents.Nowhere, you came from nowhere and are nothing. You will never be worth anything more than the dirt on my shoe in this lifetime.
I shivered that away and went on.“I lived in the orphanage until I was thirteen.” In my mind, I went back to the dilapidated building at the edge of town, with the holes in the roof that wouldn’t keep out the rain, broken windows that let in the cold, and ragged blankets that did very little to stave off the cold during winter. We shared our meals with rats and crows, and we barely had a chance to bathe if it didn’t rain.
“A rich Fae family adopted me, then. I was so happy to get out of there. I imagined it was something like what I’d read in the stories, where the orphan girl gets the loving home she always dreamed of.”
“It didn’t work out that way,” Rainier said softly, knowing what was next, although he didn’t know specifics.
