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I shrugged. “Reality doesn’t work that way, does it? They didn’t want a daughter. It was easier to find someone to do their dirty work, to be their slave, than to hire someone to do the work. I didn’t like it, but it was a roof over my head that didn’t leak for a change, and the leftover food I was allowed to eat after the scraps I’d had to fight for at the orphanage was a step up. So, they beat me, and they were awful to me, saying horrible things about who I was and where I came from. But what was the alternative? The orphanage wouldn’t have taken me back even if I’d wanted to go. There were too many of us, and not enough of anything to really pull us through. I’m pretty sure that’s why they got rid of me, even if this family might not have checked out. It was somewhere for me to be where I wasn’t their problem anymore.”
When I glanced at Rainier, his eyes were filled with horror. I looked toward the empty fireplace. It was easier not to look at him while I talked. I knew I’d grown up very differently than he had. His horror only reminded me of that.
“I was there until I was sixteen. When the male of the house tried to force himself onto me, I fought back. I hurt him—pretty badly. I was scared of what they would do to me. Or if they didn’t do anything to me…what would happen once he healed? So, I left before anything could go wrong.”
For a moment, I thought about that bald asshole, with his thick fingers and his onion-laced breath. His voice had been harsh in my ear when he’d gotten too close. It hadn’t taken much to hit him in the face with a candle holder. It had been a silver one, too, with a hexagonal base that had broken his nose and chipped two teeth. The damage hadn’t been enough to keep him down, just enough for me to get away. To run.
I could still taste the fear at the back of my throat when I thought about it. I could still smell the onion on his breath.
I wrapped my arms around myself. “I found work as a barmaid. The owner wasn’t great, but he wasn’t mean, which was a step up. He couldn’t pay me, but I was allowed to stay in a small room above the bar. He fed me most days, and I could keep the tips I made. It wasn’t bad. It was warmer than being on the street, and I could buy extra food sometimes when I made enough in tips. No one could dictate how I lived my life anymore. That was a big deal to me. It was a shitty life, but it was mine.”
I glanced at Rainier again, and his eyes were filled with pity this time. I hated pity.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said. “Not everyone is born into a shiny palace.”
His face steeled at that. “I know your life has been hard, but we all have tough times we need to go through.”
“Sorry,” I said. “You’re right. Just because you were born in a palace does not mean your life has been easy.”
Thinking back to my past hurt. I didn’t like revisiting the hell I’d been through. Now that I was here, living in a decent room with a future, I didn’t want to look back anymore. I didn’t know how any of this would help Rainier, but if he could find answers…
It was the only reason I was telling him.
“You learned to fight,” Rainier said. “When did this happen?”
“At the bar,” I said. “I had to fend off males who were too drunk to remember their manners and decided I was a nice piece to have on the side. They would get into bar fights, too, and I usually broke them up. It saved whatever cups and plates were going to break so that I didn’t have to pay for them from the tips I made.” I shrugged. “We do what we need to do to survive, Your Highness.”
“Please, you don’t have to be so formal with me,” Rainier said. “You can call me Ren when we’re in private.”
“What?”
“My friends call me Ren. In public, when respect is deserved, you can refer to me as Your Highness, King Rainier, or whatever other title I’m called. But when it’s just us…”
He wanted me to call him Ren. Only his close friends called him Ren. I’d thought he wanted to keep me at arm’s length, but it turned out there was more than just me being a warrior in his guard.
“I’m sorry you’ve been through such a tough time,” he said.
“I’m sorry my past won’t offer you any answers to the questions you’re asking,” I countered.
Ren sighed. “It’s okay. I didn’t think much could come of it. It was a shot in the dark, but I’m glad you told me. It helps me understand you better.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of what he said, but the atmosphere between us had shifted and changed. It was warm now, comfortable. It wasn’t an interview with the King anymore. Rather, it was two friends talking.
“Thank you for coming to see me,” Ren finally said and stood.
The meeting was over. I was being dismissed.
“I’ll figure out what’s going on, still. I just need to understand where to start digging.”
“We’ll do what we can to help,” I said.
“I know. I have a group of very loyal Fae in my life. If we put our strengths together, I’m sure we’ll find the answers to who you are and why you’re so important that someone is out to get you.”
I nodded and left his office. He was right—I wasn’t a threat.
And yet, someone wanted me dead.
17
