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CHAPTER27
Iawakened with her still in my arms. With my first indrawn breath, I tasted renewal. I now realized that I had been fooling myself all this time. I told myself I was tough, I had to be hard, that I didn't care what others thought, but the truth, as it turns out, is quite the opposite. I have been going on what others think; my manly pride and bruised ego had taken a hit.
I guess it took seeing my woman crumble like Siamese ash to bring me back to my fucking senses. I haven't the first fucking clue as to how to go about making us whole again, but I knew I was willing to try. I'm sure shit was going to be fucked up for a while, yet, I'm a grudge-holding motherfucker, and though I'd shielded butterfly from the worst part of me, I didn't think that was going to be possible any longer.
I promised myself while lying there that I would take dad's advice to heart; if I said the words I forgive you to her, then I would never hold this against her again. That meant I had to work on that forgiveness shit. Because let's face it, it's going to take some time. I had a whole lot to think about now, not the least of which was what to do with that fuck, Terry Poole.
I should just pay James to off him, but I didn't want that shit on my conscience, plus the whole world was probably watching to see what I was going to do to his punk ass. It seemed like such a long time since that meeting, days instead of just a few hours, but so much had happened in the meantime. It had been one long-ass motherfucker of a day.
My girl was clinging onto me in her sleep the way she usually did; her breathing finally evened out, thank fuck. I wondered how those two fucks didn't send her over the edge with their lies with the way she was acting now; I wondered what was the best thing to do for her now.
I'm sure for anyone else, therapy would be ideal, but fuck if I was going to some asshole to tell me his opinion on what the fuck I should do with my life, go live your own and leave mine the fuck alone is what I say, but that's just me. One thing was for sure we needed some serious motherfucking help. Fuck if I knew where to find it. Oh well, I'll think about it when I wake up; my ass was tired.
* * *
Something felt different.There was, I don't know, something settling. Until I remembered our walk. Panic threatened to consume me, and I struggled my way out of sleep with a whimper.
"Sssh, I've got you; it's okay."
Gage, he was here, he hadn't left me, what had happened? The last thing I remember was him walking away from me and the searing pain that ripped through my body, not just my heart; my whole being seemed to quake.
Was I dreaming? Was this a dream? If it is, please don't let me wake up, it felt so good to be in his arms again. I felt warm tears fill my eyes. I missed him so much, missed us so much; how do I get us back? I knew I had a fight on my hands if only I knew where to begin.
"Please, please, please."
"Please, what butterfly?" She started as if surprised she'd spoken out loud. I was looking down at her when she raised her tear-filled eyes to me. Without thought, I kissed her drenched eyes with trembling lips.
Her body shook, and I thought she was having another one of those fucking attacks, but she was just taking a deep breath.
I lifted her hand to my lips and, for the first time, noticed how dirty they were. Looks like my girl needed a bath.
I made to pull away, but she grabbed on to me for dear life.
"I'm not leaving you, Suzette. I'm just going to run you a bath." I had to unclasp her hands from my shirt. Her hold was so tight.
Going into the en suite, I ran the water as hot as she could stand it while scouring the cabinets for girly-smelling shit. Not for nothing, but my girl really needed a bath, and that hoodie needed to be cleaned yesterday. It kind of made me smile to know that she needed that little piece of me. Bitch Ass.
When the water was ready, I went back to get her; she was lying in the same position. Poor thing didn't seem to be in any condition to do shit, so I undressed her myself without a peep from her. Well, damn butterfly, had you eaten anything in the last week? Shit, maybe dad ought to have a look at her; this couldn't be healthy; I could damn near count every bone in her body. What the fuck had she done to herself? No lie, I wanted to cry like a little bitch, just saying.
My girl was fucking skin and bones. It was one thing to feel the weight loss through the bulky hoodie and sweats, but quite another to see it up close and personal; I was going to have to work on her body and her mind. Fuck how was I gonna do this shit? Well, first things first, a bath.
I picked her up and carried her into the bathroom, laying her gently in the tub. She sunk like a lodestone, no strength whatsoever. I didn't even stop to think, just shed my own clothes and got in behind her. I washed her body first, saving her hair for last. All this time, she hadn't said a word, and her body was still somewhat tense, so I did the one thing I knew would soothe her. I sang; the words of Kenny Rogers through the years fell from my lips as I washed her.
I am officially the sappiest motherfucker on the planet, but at least my girl had life in her eyes again.
