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CHAPTER26
"Ihave my fucking pride Suzette, and you fucking trampled it into the ground on the side of the fucking street, and for what? A piece of shit actor who nobody's even heard of. I could give a fuck what they told you about me; that's just a bullshit excuse, fuck that, two people as close as we were, as in love as we were supposed to be, do not do that, fuckery to each other.”
I didn't give a Fuck that I was scaring her. At least I didn't have my hands wrapped around her fucking neck, snapping it in two. The anger was back in full force; let her deal with it; we were going to have this shit out once and for all. I’ll be fucked if I’m going to do this shit over and over again.
I needed to purge this pain from inside me before it ate me away like a fucking parasite. At that moment, I hated her so fucking much it scared the shit out of me. I hated, yet I loved, two sides to one coin, my fucking life was in a tailspin by someone else's design, someone else was controlling my moves, someone else had set this fuckery in motion, and I was the fucking court jester left to pick up the fucking pieces.
Well, since she had been so fucking stupid to get herself caught up in this shit, the least she could do was bear my fucking wrath. I deserved that much.
"Do you realize that most of the free world now sees you as a home-wrecking slut?"
She covered her mouth with her hands, but the cry of agony still escaped.
"Yes, Suzette, you are Hollywood's slut of the week. Now you can be in a lineup with all those reality stars and heiresses in the news for whom you held such fucking disdain; the funny thing is I don't remember any of them doing something as fucked up as you did; you fucking disgust me."
I was done with this shit, fuck, I can't do this, I thought I could, but I can't. I don't know-how; it would take a better man than me. I turned to head back to the house until an ear-piercing scream stopped me in my tracks.
As I turned, I saw a sight that left me cold; Suzette was pulling her hair with one hand, the other holding her chest as if to keep something in, and the screaming was never-ending. I reached for her as she crumbled to the ground in a crumpled heap. In her eyes was death. My butterfly was gone. Back into her fucking head. Well fuck me sideways with a crowbar; what was I supposed to do now?
* * *
I ran backto the house as quickly as I could with her cradled in my arms, that awful screaming in my head. This is exactly what I didn't want. I couldn't bear to see her like this, so broken, lost. It was tearing a fucking hole in my heart.
My dad must've heard her from inside because he met us at the door.
"What happened, son? Is she hurt?" He eyed her as if looking for any visible injuries.
"Not physically, no." I felt ashamed of myself; I had done this to her. Me, the man who was supposed to love her above all else to put her first. Was my love so shallow that I could do this? Did it really die on the side of that street in LA? Who am I, what am I?
"What happened, Gage?"
He tried taking her from me, but I wouldn't let him. I just kept walking to the room.
"We were talking. I was talking, I yelled at her, said some pretty harsh stuff. I went to walk away, and she just crumbled to the ground screaming, the most awful fucking sound I've ever heard."
She just kept breaking my fucking heart, didn't she? Now the screaming was over, only to be replaced by groaning. She moaned as she rocked herself back and forth in my arms. I finally laid her on the bed so dad could tend to her.
He started with the pulse shit and all that other fuckery I didn't have the first clue about.
What I did understand was the look on his face; he was not happy. Whatever, join the fucking club. What did everyone want from me anyway?
I had hardly seen anyone since the meeting with James, which was fine by me. I wondered where the rest of them were now if they'd heard her? But no one came to investigate.
I wanted her to stop making that noise. I don't think human beings are supposed to sound like that. It was scaring the piss out of me.
"Come on, Suzette, please stop it." I climbed up on the bed and pulled her into me, trying for some reason to synchronize our breathing. I don't know what the fuck that was supposed to do, but it seemed like a hell of an idea to me. Her heart was beating so fucking fast it reminded me of a hummingbird's wings. Fast and furious.
"Please, babe, please, please, please." I was fucking pleading, anything to make her stop, to bring her back from wherever the fuck she'd gone.
Dad injected her with something. Lucky for him, I didn't see him, or I would've laid his ass out. My girl hates needles.
It was a long five minutes before the sedative kicked in, and she calmed the fuck down. I couldn't stop kissing her forehead and found myself humming her lullaby, the one I'd made up for her so long ago.
After my dad left, locking the door behind him, I held her close to my heart.
Obviously, I needed to change my game plan; first things first, I needed to make a decision and quick unless I wanted this girl to completely lose her fucking mind. I had to decide whether or not I could forgive her, if I could live with her again, put this whole fucking nightmare behind me and move the fuck on. My heart already knew what it wanted, but my head was hard as fuck.
I drew her even closer, trying to give her my strength, somehow still hearing that cry ringing in my ears. I pulled back, looking down at her beautiful face, and broke the fuck down.
I cried for her, for me, for us, for what we had, what we'd lost, what could never be again, because no matter what the future held, we would never be what we once were. I cried most of all for that. The end of something beyond wonderful.
"Gage."
I knew she wasn't awake since I'd been staring at her for the last few minutes; once again, she was calling for me in her fucking sleep.
"I'm here, sweetheart; I'm right here; I'm not going anywhere."
