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For a terrifying second, I think they’re going to leave me in the middle of the road for whatever car comes by next to hit. But instead, I feel them heave me through the air. For a second, I’m floating, flying, cold and weightless until I suddenly come crashing down hard on the embankment. I don’t have even a second to breathe before I’m rolling down into the ditch.
It’s muddy, half-full of water, and freezing cold. All I can think about is the cuts covering my body and how they’re almost certainly going to get infected. Then I want to laugh because there’s no way I’m going to live that long. But I’m too out of it to even do that. I can’t laugh, or cry, or scream. It’s all I can do to turn my face so that I don’t drown in two inches of muddy ditch water.
The sound of the engines tells me that they’re leaving. That’s a relief, I think dimly. At least that’s over.
At this point, maybe it would be better just to die. I don’t think they took my mother, and she’s the only reason I can think of to live in this hazy half-alive state that I’m floating in. Cayde, Dean, and Jaxon haven’t come for me. Maybe they don’t even know I’m gone. Maybe they don’t care anymore.
Maybe this is the result of my plan of trying to break their game. Maybe if I really have broken it, there’s no reason for them to come after me anymore.
Maybe I imagined everything I thought there was between us, in those small moments when it seemed like there was something more, something deeper, even with Cayde. Even with Dean.
I just made it all up in my head, I guess, to make it easier to get through. To survive. Which is ironic because I’m probably going to die anyway.
This isn’t how I wanted to die, but then again, nothing about the past months has gone how I wanted it to.
I should have told Mia to come to the party, I think dimly. She would have noticed I was gone.
I feel bad for leaving her behind. But really, there’s nothing I can do about it. Whatever is going to happen is already set now. It’s just a matter of how much longer I live through it.
But if I do.
I’m going to kill every last fucking one of you.
I’d meant it. I’d meant it more than I’d probably meant anything in my entire life. And if I live through this, I’m going to follow through on that promise.
I’m going to get my revenge.
