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Beg her not to leave me alone with him.
Explain to her that when he and I are alone, when we’re together, all rational thought leaves me. I cannot remind myselfwhywe’re impossible because all that matters is him—and me.
He moves in closer, propping a hip at the foot of the bed, close enough that I breathe in the scents of jasmine and pine.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.” I grab a grape and pop it into my mouth. Maybe making it so I cannot speak is what’s best.
He looks genuinely pleased to see me eating. Which does not help my case of ‘I need to stay the hell away from him: He’s my kryptonite’. “I am glad.”
I swallow down the grape and begin fidgeting with the covers at my waist. “How are you? You seem…different.”
“Oh?”
“Less haunted.”
At that, his expression darkens if only for a moment. “I am managing better than most today.”
“Amazing what not running for your life does for one’s stress level.” My joke is ridiculous, and I instantly wish I could take it back.
Then, he smiles. “That’s true. Though it has more to do with knowing you did not suffer as I was worried you had.”
Biting down on my bottom lip, I look away. “I’m sorry, Rafferty. I really was just trying to do the right thing. Lot of good it did, though, here I am. Right back where I started.”
“I will not tell you that it was okay—what you did,” he says softly, tone sharp. “It wasn’t. You endangered all of our lives, Ember. And if he would have captured you…did you even consider that?”
“Yes. And had he captured me, I would have found a way to take myself out of the equation."
Rafferty shakes his head, his gaze darkening. “Not everything is so simple.”
“You think me taking my own life would be simple?”
Rafferty pushes to his feet and turns back to me, crossing his muscled arms. “He would have raped you, Ember. Would have raped you, exchanged blood with you, and then killed you when you no longer suited him.”
“I wasn’t going to let it get that far.”
“No? Because from what I heard, it nearly got that far with Conary before the reaper showed up.” He glares at me, and I glare right the hell back.
Truthfully, I’m mortified that I made such a large mistake. Actions taken for the best of reasons still have the potential of dire consequences—something I learned that day. But I am not weak. I am not useless. And I am still breathing. “I survived,” I snap, the memory of Conary hovering over me half-naked assaults me, and I close my eyes.
“You didn’t give me a chance to help you,” Rafferty growls.
“How could you have helped me? You couldn’t kill Taranus without an army, and we were running out of time!”
“Where the hell are we standing right now?” he demands, throwing out both hands. “Fin and I did this. We managed to restart the Rebellion. Given enough time, we could have ensured your safety, too.”
“And how much dark energy did you utilize?” I question. The moment the words are out of my mouth, though, I wish I could take them back.
Rafferty’s expression shifts. “I was a commander long before you found me in that cell,” he growls. “My misplaced familial loyalty is what put me there, and I can assure you it will not happen again. I spent centuries commanding the largest army Faerie has ever seen,withoutaccessing any of the dark energy in my veins, Ember. And you should have trusted me.”
He turns and leaves, the tent door swaying behind him, and I lean back against the pillows, covering my eyes as tears burn my throat.It’s better if he’s angry, I try to convince myself. Better if he hates me.
Because I’m not good for Rafferty. Not when I’m barely alive and destined to die.
