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Truthfully, I had no idea what I’d signed up for. This was a far cry from the easy I’d expected.
Harper wove through the women, and we fell into step with each other as we headed to the back patio by the fire pit. The temperature was tolerable so long as the wind stayed down, even with snow still on the ground.
I desperately wanted to have a real conversation with her, not one in front of the cameras. But I knew what was expected of me, what the producers wanted for the show. And I needed answers, thanks to Lexi’s stunt.
“How are things?”
Our eyes met, and not for the first time, I wished I could communicate telepathically with her.
“Good. I’ve really enjoyed being here, getting to know everyone. Spending time with you.”
While her voice stayed even, I noticed the tiny tremble in her lip that told me otherwise. She’d had that tell for as long as I could remember. Even weeks into the show, she watched every word out of her mouth like a hawk, always giving generic responses when she was put on the spot. I knew how she really felt.
“You sure? Lexi pulled me aside to express some concerns, and I wanted to touch base with you. Make sure everything is okay.” Repressing the urge to scoop her up close to me, I reached out and squeezed her upper arm. She leaned into it, and I scooted a smidge closer to her.
After everything we’d talked about earlier in the week, it was increasingly difficult to act like we weren’t as far into our relationship as we were. I’d given her a ring. I’d practically told her I was in love with her. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine a life without Harper in it. Part of me wanted to rip up my contract with the station, run away with her, and never look back.
But it wasn’t worth the cost. So we’d play our parts, feed the reality TV show monster.
“I’m fine, but…” Her head dipped down for a moment.
“You can talk to me,” I murmured.
“Sometimes it’s hard being here. These other women knew what they were signing up for, but I didn’t. It’s just not what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“I don’t know.” Laughing softly, she shook her head. “Not this. Not the friendships I’ve made or the ones I haven’t. Honestly, though, I didn’t expect…feelings.”
“Feelings, huh?” I fought the urge to smile, knowing exactly how she felt about me.
“No, I didn’t think anyone would take this show seriously. Especially not you.” She tipped her head back slightly, gazing up at me through thick eyelashes.
I raised my eyebrow. “Is that why you brought up my lifestyle?”
“I can almost guarantee that I didn’t mean it how it sounded,” she replied, straightening so that she pulled back from me slightly.
“I just want to know what you said.”
Harper’s lips pressed together in a straight line, her eyes searching mine. I could imagine that she was just as annoyed as I was that we even had to have this conversation, but life in front of the cameras differed vastly from life without them.
“I was having a conversation with Candace about my concern for life after this show. You still have a life outside here, but so do I. And I’m worried they won’t match up.”
I hadn’t expected that amount of honesty in front of the cameras. She’d formed relationships with both Candace and Danielle early on, but I wasn’t sure how truthful she’d been with them about us.
We’d smoothed this all out already, but no one watching us now knew that.
“I believe the part she referenced was something you said to Candace about ‘chasing snow bunnies all over the northwest.’” I chuckled, enjoying the red creeping up her neck to stain her cheeks.
“I can’t compete with them, Flynn. You and I will lead very different lives once this is all over.” Even though we’d talked about it, hearing the emotion catch in her voice reminded me it was a genuine concern for her.
I’d left before. Her entire life was here. And the double life we lived on this show was wearing on us both.
My stomach clenched like she’d punched me with her fist instead of her words. I hated I didn’t realize how deep those feelings must go for her, to still have such a raw reaction even after we’d talked in her café.
How could she possibly think she didn’t measure up?
She was the reason I chased the so-called snow bunnies to begin with. They were the ones that never measured up to her.
