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I promised my mother that day that I’d always protect her, and I promised my father that I’d kill anyone who even thought of hurting Sia. I meant it too.
For a child, I was skilled with a butterfly knife and I wasn’t afraid to use it, in fact, I was eager to show off what I’d learned. My father had given one to me on my fifth birthday and he spent a couple of hours every day teaching me how to maneuver it. He taught me how to flip the blade around one-handed without cutting myself, though I have many little scars to show the lessons. He taught me various spots on the human body that could cause a quick death and other spots that caused a slow and painful death. I loved my knife but when he started teaching me how to fight, I was hooked. I was determined to be Sia’s personal guard forever.
Compared to other fathers I’m sure my pop would have been considered evil and maybe a little psychotic. But to me, he was fatherly and gave me some of the best memories and talents I’ll forever be grateful for.
I don’t know who or what my father was involved with but I do know my father was someone important. We had guards in our house and my father was treated reverently like he was someone to be feared and respected. Perhaps he was but along with the fear he endowed upon others he also had those who hated him, those who coveted whatever position of power my father held. I remember the night someone paid him a visit at our home, the last night my parents were alive.
My mother had tucked me in bed, but I wanted to be close to my sister.
“Mama, I want to sleep with Sia. Please?”
With a soft smile and a ruffle to my hair, my mother picked up off the bed and carried me over to my sister’s nursery. Sia began to cry after my mother tucked me into the toddler bed so my mother picked her up out of her crib and sat in the rocking chair. I watched her rock back and forth as she sang to us.
Over the hill
And under the moon.
Around the bend
And through the woods.
At the crooked Willow
Is where we’ll meet...
It didn’t take long for my mother’s voice to lull me to sleep but I woke up later when I heard screaming. I jumped out of the bed and peeked through the crib bars, seeing Sia sleeping soundly. I went to the door and looked out trying to see down the stairs towards the sitting room where my mother and father usually spent their evenings, but I couldn’t see from this angle. Just as I decided I must have dreamt the entire thing, a loud gunshot went off followed by my father’s torturous howl.
I’ll never forget his gut wrenching and broken yell.
I jumped to action then, running to my bedroom and grabbing my butterfly knife. I wanted so badly to help my father, but his words played on repeat in my young mind.
Sia is at the mercy of everyone, you must always protect her.
I remember trying to figure out a way I could get her out of the crib but I couldn’t hold her and climb back out, so I stood guard. I waited and planned my attack. If someone came through this door, I wouldn’t hesitate to defend my sister.
My small heart was beating so fast during those moments of terror. Terror that no child should ever feel but at the same time; adrenaline and excitement flowed too. A darkness that I’ve always known was within me flowed fast and smooth, making me salivate to kill the boogeyman who dared come into my father’s home.
I never found out who it was. I never got the chance to see the evil who destroyed my life and sentenced my sister and me to a painful separation. One that I’m glad only I feel because Sia was just an infant when my aunt walked into the bedroom that night. I don’t remember her name, but I do remember her words as she tied Sia to her chest with a blanket while having me cling to her back as we ran through the darkened neighborhood.
“One day,nipote, you’ll find your way home. One day you’ll make the monster pay for what he did. For now, you must go away until it’s safe for you and Sia to return. I am going to change your name so the monster can never find you. You must never tell a soul what your real name is,ragazzo. Understand me?”
I didn’t but I did understand that she was protecting us from the boogeyman so I nodded.
I spent the next eleven years in a lonely torment unlike any other. A pain so deep that hatred and rage became the constant companions to feed the demons within me. Pushing me daily to survive and find the bastard that ruined my life.
Vengeance is a delicious darkness and once I have it, I will revel in it.
With these thoughts in mind, I get ready for my last couple of days in this shithole by setting up a fight. I’ve got some energy to spend and darkness to expel.
