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I tuned out of the conversation as it turned to gossip about people they all knew. I was content to just half-listen to them and half-listen to the music, standing next to v. I hadn’t before noticed how good she smelled—even though the smell of beer pervaded everything, I could catch a whiff of her perfume.
The way someone smelled sure was important. That little whiff made me just the slightest bit more attracted to her.
After a while, though, I got bored of being a wallflower. And I was tired, too, since I didn’t normally stay out and active this late. I could walk back to campus myself, but I wanted to privately say goodbye to Brianne.
I nudged her and she turned to me. “I’m gonna head out soon,” I said. “I’m pretty tired.”
“Okay, let me walk you out,” she said.
There wasn’t anyone on the front lawn, though I could smell the beer and hear the music from here. Crickets chirped in the otherwise quiet neighborhood, though I thought I could hear the sound of parties further down the road.
“This was really great,” I said, “thank you. I had a good time. I’m actually glad I pushed myself to come here.”
“That’s great,” said Brianne sincerely. “I enjoyed seeing you.”
There was a pregnant pause. I wanted to kiss her goodnight, but I didn’t have the guts to do it. Maybe the alcohol had worn off, or maybe I was second guessing myself.
But she did it first. She leaned forward quickly and gave me a brief kiss on the lips, leaving my cheeks warm and flushed. But she was flushed too, and she looked adorable.
“Goodnight, Brianne,” I said, unable to conceal my smile as I walked home.
“Goodnight,” she replied with a grin as she waved.
I heard her open the screen door and close it with a clattering sound, and I continued on the walk back to my place. My mind was clear now, and when I got onto the main road, I could see throngs of students on their way to and from social events.
I felt good that for the first time, I wasn’t looking on them with envy. I was one of them—one of those people who actually had social events to go to. It was almost like I had a place where I belonged. I wasn’t sure that place was with that entire group necessarily, but it was with Brianne.
My head was spinning as I made my way back to my house and I didn’t pay that much attention to my surroundings. My feet carried me to my front door and when I walked inside the house, it was quiet. Marnie and Cass were probably gone still.
I checked my phone. It was an early night, but I still felt satisfied. I could hear people being loud on the streets outside, but for once, I didn’t feel envious.
I closed my window since it was getting chilly and the revelers were disturbing me. Now my small room didn’t feel so oppressive; it felt like a cozy place to come back to. I changed into PJs and sat on the bed with my laptop, checking Facebook and the usual sites I did.
When there wasn’t anything else new to look at, I found my brain urging me to look for porn… I didn’t bother with videos often, usually preferring erotic stories, but now I was curious to give it another try.
It wasn’t that hard to find, of course, and I quickly found myself evaluating a video with two girls who were admittedly pretty cute. They looked young, like they could be my classmates, and I appreciated that it was one of those rare videos which didn’t seem like it was just made to titillate straight men.
They started by making out, and then the clothes quickly came off. Both of the girls were fit, despite having a girl-next-door look, and I found myself getting tingly.
Well, if I was getting aroused from watching two naked girls touching each other, I was probably into the same thing, right?
I paused the video and opened a new tab. Then I searched for gay porn. The guys were actually quite cute and had great bodies, but I couldn’t get into it as much as I could with the girls. I switched between the two tabs, trying to compare. I just found myself way more interested in the girls, even though the guys were good-looking and pretty much doing the same thing as the girls.
I couldn’t come to a conclusion after just two data points, could I? And what did it mean that I was only truly interested in getting physical with Brianne?
I continued watching the video of the two girls, letting myself get aroused, then shifting the position so I could touch myself. Yeah, I could get off to this. Much more so than I could all the heterosexual porn—but maybe that was because a lot of it really was unappealing.
By the time the short video had finished, I found myself needing release, so I closed my computer and lay back on my bed, my brain inevitably drifting to thoughts of Brianne.
Now that it was on my mind, I could imagine how good it would feel if—or when—I finally went further with her. Right now, I could barely handle kisses. But in my brain, I could imagine so much more.
I could imagine taking that chambray dress off, button by button, feeling the warmth of her body pressed up against mine as we pressed our lips together, kisses traveling down necks and collarbones and further below…
This was so unfamiliar for me, to be fantasizing in depth about someone like this. I mean, I’d fantasized somewhat about previous people I’d been with, but… it was never like this.
No one excited me the way Brianne did—not just physically, but emotionally, intellectually. I’d never met anyone like her.
Right now, though, all my brain wanted to do was indulge in a filthy fantasy of what we’d do if we had the space—and if I didn’t have my inhibitions. The image in my mind dissolved into a scene of us writhing in bed together, naked, sweaty, breasts pressed against each other…
