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“I guess.” Margie didn’t seem convinced. “I mean, it’s not like I want to date you. I mean, maybe. I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, you’re not using someone as an experiment if they know what your deal is,” I said. “I mean, you have to start somewhere. And a cute girl like you is welcome to experiment on me anytime.”
I grinned after I said that, but I really didn’t want to be treated as an experiment. I just liked Margie too much, and I knew what I wanted from her. I just wasn’t sure if I would be able to get it.
“Really? I can like, kiss you or something?” She looked uncertain, as if I’d revoke what I said any second.
“Yeah, really.” I really wanted to feel her lips on mine right now, but I didn’t want to push her too hard. She was probably the kind of person who was easily spooked. And I didn’t want to pressure someone who was questioning.
“Okay.” A determined set came over her face, and she leaned forward.
I leaned forward too, and our lips met.
Her lips were soft and warm, and parted easily, like she wanted more already. I put my hands on her arms, feeling her soft skin, knowing that I wanted more. But I was going to let her lead this and take it at her own pace.
Margie put a hand on my chin, and her tongue flicked out, experimentally licking my lips and toying with them. After that, she pulled away, blinking at me, cheeks flushed.
“So, how was that?” I asked, trying to appear blasé but having a hard time containing my emotions.
“That was good,” she said. “Um, I definitely like you, Brianne. I just… I just don’t know if I can handle this right now, because my self-esteem is garbage and all.”
“Whatever ‘this’ is, it doesn’t have to be done in a rush,” I said, even though I feared, deep down, that falling for someone who was unsure was going to be bad for me. I didn’t want my heart broken if she changed her mind.
“Good,” said Margie, and she smiled.
And when she smiled, my whole heart lit up like the full moon above us.
MARGIE
“Want to go back inside?” I asked.
The kiss had been wonderful, but it was too much for me right now. I needed to process my feelings minus the fuzziness in my brain before I did anything else. I wanted to go back to the crowd and remember where I was, instead of sit in the lonely backyard with Brianne. As much as I enjoyed it, it was also making me anxious.
“Sure,” said Brianne, standing up. She reached out her hand with a gentle smile, and I took it and stood up.
When we walked back inside, the party was in full swing. People were clearly a lot drunker than they had been just a half hour ago, and the music had gotten louder and more fast paced. It was pretty crowded inside the house—I would guess there were at least forty people inside, maybe more.
“Damn, I need another drink to keep up with all these people,” said Brianne.
“I can see that,” I said, looking around, though I didn’t really want another drink. The fuzziness in my brain had already led to me kissing Brianne, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out what would happen if I had another beer.
I followed Brianne into the kitchen, where she found another beer and Miriam and Siobhan.
“How are you liking the party?” Miriam asked me.
“It’s good,” I said sincerely. Even though I felt a little out of my element, I was enjoying myself. I looked forward to the day I could show up at one of these parties myself, instead of just following Brianne around.
“Looks like it’s really hopping,” said Brianne, peeking into the living room, where most of the dancing seemed to be happening.
“Yeah, I guess sinc
e this week has been so nice, people want to get out,” said Miriam.
Just then, Kaitlyn and another girl who looked like her girlfriend walked into the kitchen, holding hands. Both of them seemed to be a little tipsy, and they were kind of all over each other. It was cute, but I felt a pang of jealousy. I wanted to be secure in an affectionate relationship like that with someone else.
Maybe Brianne and I could get there. But the thought of being like that with her was terrifying. It was something I couldn’t imagine being real at all. It was easier—though unappealing—to imagine being with some guy, like Max.
When we walked back into the house, though, I’d seen Max making out with a girl against the wall of the dining room. It looked like he’d found someone after all.
