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“Loving you.”
I dropped my chin to hide my blush and hoped he’d missed the sheen of tears that suddenly sprang up in my eyes. This Lucas was the man I’d loved, the man I thought of as great. For now it was enough to know he was still in there and from time to time was capable of surprising me with his capacity for kindness.
“Are you going to invite me to the wedding?” he asked.
“I don’t know. If I do, are you going to show up?”
Chapter Sixteen
The rest of our group was waiting for us when we joined them in the dining room. In addition to my ten companions, a dozen members of Lucas’s pack were seated around the huge table. I took a seat between Desmond and Sutherland, and Lucas sat across from me, next to Dominick.
Everyone looked better for the sleep, and I was grateful I’d been able to bring them somewhere they felt safe enough to rest. The night ahead would be hard, and we were going to need our wits about us. While the humans and werewolves were finishing off the remains of a hearty chili, I noted the vampires were as pale as ever.
Of course Lucas wouldn’t have any blood on hand to feed them. This might prove problematic, since Holden and I hadn’t eaten since leaving Louisiana. I could last several days without fresh blood if it was absolutely essential and if I didn’t lose any of my own. But if I wanted everyone at their best, I was going to need to come up with a way to feed the vamps and myself as soon as possible.
Holden seemed to understand my concern. “You know, we could go to the council.”
I watched Clementine, who was sitting between Holden and Bradley the werewolf. She was staring at Bradley’s neck while he swallowed, and the rapturous gleam in her eyes wasn’t likely to have anything to do with sexual desire. Under different circumstances I might have asked for volunteers to feed the vampires. I knew Desmond or even Lucas would donate to me if I asked. But vampires loathed feeding from werewolves—considering them dirty and subhuman—and the weres had similar misgivings. Not to mention everyone needed to keep their blood if they wanted to be strong.
We could have gone back to Calliope’s, but it was risky. The council headquarters was only a couple blocks away, and we put ourselves in less danger there then by seeking out access to the fae realm. Part of me had to admit, too, that I was avoiding Cal because I didn’t want to know what she had to say about our current situation.
As an oracle, she would be able to see how things would end. And if more of my friends were going to die, I couldn’t handle knowing about it in advance. If I asked, she’d tell me, in her own vague way. I imagined her saying, The deaths of loved ones are like dominos. When one falls, others are sure to follow. Death, like gravity, is inevitable.
Yes, everyone I knew would one day die, myself included. I just didn’t need to know if any of them would be leaving me in the near future.
Though most vampires in the city used the thrall to feed from willing victims, there was always a steady supply of bagged blood kept at the council for new vamps who had less control over their hunger. And lately they’d kept more on hand at my request. I knew a lot of the full-blooded council members thought I was mad for not drinking direct from the source, but I’d spent my whole life without using humans as fast food. I wouldn’t start now.
I’d fed from the neck before. I knew blood tasted better right out of the artery. But for me, there was a fine line between being human and being a monster. Though I was not human, I struggled to maintain my humanity at all costs. If I gave in to the desires of the creatures inside me, I would become something else, and I wasn’t quite ready to embrace that side of myself. Though in recent years I’d started letting my humanity slip more and more often.
“Here’s what I propose,” I announced, bringing the room around me to silence. “The vampires need to be fed. I’m going to take Holden, Reggie, Clementine and Sutherland to the council headquarters on Grand Street.”
“What council headquarters?” a wolf named Keith asked. “There’s nothing down there but coffee shops and GAP stores.”
Like many buildings housing places of supernatural importance, the vampire council had cloaked their building from the prying eyes of the outside world. One had to be a vampire to see it, or to otherwise be associated with the vampires. Shane Hewitt, my successor to the job of hunting rogues, was human but able to enter the building at will. Any other human—or were—would simply pass by it as if it weren’t there.
“It’s like the Chameleon Lounge.” I used an example they’d all know, bringing up the name of a popular supernatural nightclub and restaurant, owned by the were-ocelot queen, Genevieve Renard. “You only see it if you’re meant to see it, but trust me, it’s there.”
“So why can you see it?” Keith asked.
“She was the council’s assassin for years,” Jackson answered for me. “And how dare you question your queen with such disregard for her authority? She doesn’t need to explain herself to you.” I had never explicitly told Jackson what I was, but he’d been around for my fight with Marcus Sullivan, would-be usurper to Lucas’s throne. Marcus’s mate had been none other than my mother, and Mercy McQueen had let her mouth run about me to Marcus’s vampire partner Alexandre Peyton. It wasn’t beyond reason that Jackson might have figured me out years ago.
He’d certainly been around for plenty of weird stuff since.
If he was still going to defend me no questions asked, I wasn’t going to question it. He was a good kid, and not for the first time I was glad I’d spared him when I had the chance to kill him. Lucas, too, offered Jac
kson a smile and a nod.
“My apologies, Your Majesty,” Keith said, and he sounded genuinely sorry for offending me.
I really didn’t care.
If the truth was going to come out sooner or later—and the vampires were already circulating rumors—the time had come to be honest with the members of my pack. Lucas was going to nullify our marriage anyway, so if they didn’t like it, they wouldn’t need to respect me as queen for much longer.
I got to my feet and sucked in a deep breath, steadying myself for what I was about to say. “There’s something you all deserve to know, and I’m sorry I’ve hidden it from you for this long.”
Dominick’s eyes went wide, and he pivoted his head to Lucas, openly wondering whether the king would stop me. Lucas didn’t move.
“Secret…” This warning came from Holden, but he stopped at the one word.
