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“No, big-dickenvy,”Bodhi corrects him. “He took one look at Ryan’s monster cock and immediately felt the need to give him a ticket for carrying a lethal weapon in public. Boom!” Bodhi mimes dropping a mic, and all the guys cheer, clap, and bang their fists against the table. Shepherd pats me on the back, and my cheeks start hurting from how much I’m smiling.
“I’ve never had a group of friends like you guys before!” I suddenly blurt out, quickly backpedaling when the room gets quiet. “I mean, I’ve never hadanygroup of friends before, except for online ones. I’m not saying we’re friends or anything, but I mean, you know,ifwe were friends, then this would be really cool, and you know, you guys are cool.” I lean back in my chair and guzzle the rest of my beer so fast some of it drips down onto my chin.
“We’re not cool.” Bodhi chuckles. “We’re idiots. But we’re not assholes, so at least we’ve got that going for us. But we aretotallyfriends. You’ve been invited into the secret craft lair.”
“Activitylair, fucker,” Dean mutters.
“Whatever. The point is, you’re cool. We like you. But even if we didn’t, who gives a fuck? We’re nothing special. You do you, bro.” Bodhi slides a new beer in front of me, then holds his bottle out to clink it against mine.
“You’ve seriously never had a group of friends before?” Shepherd asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. “You’re a really nice guy. That makes me sad. And mad. I don’t like it.”
“Didn’t you two go to high school together?” Bodhi points his beer bottle in Shepherd’s direction.
“Don’t make me feel like even more of a dick that I don’t really remember him from then.” Shepherd quickly gives me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, man. I had my head up my ass all through high school, just focusing all my time on baseball.”
“And wanting to get in Wren’s pants,” Bodhi adds with a smirk.
“Yeah, that too.” Shepherd shrugs with a smile. “But seriously, I hope you don’t think I was an asshole in high school.”
I quickly shake my head.
I don’t. Because he really wasn’t. Sure, he was a jock and one of the more popular guys, but he always had a smile for everyone and was friendly to every kid in school, no matter who they were.
“I wasn’t exactly outgoing in high school, so I was easy to forget. I was on the bowling team, in the math club, wore clothes that were two-sizes too big for me, and played Dungeons and Dragons every weekend. With online friends, who I still play with today, that I’ve never met in real life.” I shrug.
“Oh shit, you play D&D? No way, man. I freakingloveme some D&D!” Bodhi smacks his hand down on the table, and all the beer bottles rattle. “You gotta invite me over the next time you play.”
“Um, we’ve got a game scheduled two weeks from today, if you’re up for it?”
“Right on!” Bodhi smiles at me, and I realize Danny was right. I’m having a really good time tonight.
“I have to be honest. I thought when you guys invited me over that you’d be doing something a little more… not this.” I chuckle when Dean starts cursing up a storm that he ran out of pink yarn. “I thought maybe you’d be watching the game or something.”
“Oh shit! Quinn had a pre-season game!” Shepherd suddenly shouts, grabbing the TV remote control sitting in the middle of the table, aiming it at the giant flat-screen hanging on the wall above a fireplace in the lounge area, and changing the channel from an episode ofVampire Diariesto ESPN. “We should probably watch the highlights, so we can tell him how amazing he was. Otherwise, he’s going to cry like a baby if we missed something.”
A commercial is currently playing when Shepherd switches the channel, and being honest once again, I’m a tiny bit glad Emily’s boyfriend is missing from the group tonight. He’s a really nice guy from the few times I’ve been around him, and I’ve been a fan of his since he played ball in college. But it’s still a little awkward to be around the professional quarterback, nervous he might suddenly change his mind and want to beat me up just because I dated his woman. I know the feeling. Just thinking about Danny’s ex back in Chicago makes me want to flip a table. If I had to be in the same room with another guy who’s had sex with her, I might vomit.
“So what’s up with you and Danny?” Palmer asks over his shoulder, looking away from the TV and back at me, and the collar of the polo shirt I’m wearing suddenly feels too tight. “Have you told her you’re in love with her yet?”
My beer bottle smacks back down onto the table with athunk, and my hands get so sweaty I have to wipe them off on the thighs of my khakis.
The commercial on TV ends and immediately goes to a clip from the earlier Sharks game, and Palmer quickly turns his head away from me before I can answer him, thank God. The camera angle on the clip playing on TV zooms in on Quinn shuffling away from the line, pulling his arm back, and sending a rocket of a pass all the way down to the five-yard line to land perfectly into his open receiver’s hands, for him to turn and dart into the end zone. The ESPN announcer starts rattling off some of Quinn’s stats, when Shepherd’s phone rings on the table.
“Did you guys see that fucking amazing pass in the third quarter to Riggley? They just showed it on ESPN,” Quinn says in greeting as soon as Shepherd answers the call and puts him on speaker phone.
“Sure did, buddy!” Shepherd tells him, motioning with his hand for all of us to cheer and shout. “Watched the whole game, and it was awesome! Ryan’s hanging out with us tonight. Say hi.”
“What’s up, man? How’s it going? Now I’m really sad I had an away game this weekend,” Quinn’s voice states through the speaker.
“Hi! I’m good. I’m super! Nice game today. I have glitter on my hands!” I ramble.
Quinn just laughs. “Dude, no one leaves Shepherd and Wren’s house without glitter on some part of their body. Didn’t Wren have to go to the emergency room a few months ago because that edible glitter got in places where it wouldn’t come out?”
“Ahhh, the glitter period month.” Shepherd nods. “The month right before she got pregnant. I just assumed her vagina officially turned magical. Turns out, I probably shouldn’t have put glitter on the tip of my dick. That stuff gotwayup in there.”
Wow, I have really been missing out on things my whole life, if this is what it’s like hanging out with the guys. Spencer’s one-night-stands are way less exciting, and kind of sad.
“We were just discussing when Ryan’s going to tell Danny he’s in love with her.” Palmer leans over the table and closer to Shepherd’s phone, making me want to slide right off my chair and hide under the table.
