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CHAPTER8
ISABEL
His lips slide across mine as he pulls out of me and rolls onto his back. My entire body is throbbing, my breathing is short as I try to catch it and calm myself. Turning my head, I give him a smile. He looks straight up at the ceiling, then slowly turns his head, his eyes meeting mine.
I expect to see him smiling. I expect his expression to match mine, but it doesn’t. He looks completely serious, and my smile immediately dies. Biting the inside of my cheek, I stare at him in silence. He doesn’t say anything right away, but his eyes move over my face.
Holding my breath, I let it out slowly when he reaches for me. My eyes slide closed as soon as his palm cups my cheek. I feel his lips brush mine. Opening my eyes, my lips curve up as I look at him.
“Ruslan?” I ask.
“I have to talk to Rostam,” he says.
“About?”
Ruslan hums, his gaze never leaving mine. “A lot.”
I’ve never stayed long after my orgasm. Not because I don’t want to, but because I was always afraid that Azar would somehow find out that I was here with him. Ruslan is an addiction that I don’t know I could ever break. Maybe I’ll never have to try. Maybe he’ll want to keep me forever.
“Talk to me, please?”
His hand falls from my face and I watch as he pushes himself up to sitting. His legs dangle over the side of the bed, but I don’t move. I’m too scared to breathe, let alone move at the moment. Watching him, I wonder what he’s going to say. For some reason, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be positive for me.
“Rostam wants me to make a lifelong decision and I don’t even really know you,” he says.
The pain from his words slices through my stomach. They are like a hot knife. Pushing up on my hands, I pull the blanket around my naked chest and look at the back of his head. He doesn’t turn to me, doesn’t try to even look at me.
Maybe this is farewell?
I don’t respond to his words. I don’t know what to say. So, I don’t say anything. I stay quiet, pressing my lips together, rolling them as I wait for whatever it is he’s going to say to me. He has to have something on his mind. It’s weighing heavily and I have a feeling that it means my life is not going to be changing for the better.
There have never been any rainbows and butterflies for Isabel, for me. There never will be either. I need to just accept my fate. It has been six years and my life hasn’t and will not change. I will forever be Azar’s whore. I need to accept that. I need to stop being so selfish and stop coming to Ruslan, too.
This is farewell.
It has to be.
Ruslan turns his head to the side, his eyes finding mine, and he holds my gaze in silence for a moment. He lets out a heavy breath, then nods his head, as if he’s agreeing to something, making some kind of decision that I know nothing about.
“Where are your parents?” he asks.
I shrug a shoulder. “I haven’t seen them since they handed me to Azar,” I say.
He nods his head again, and I can see his mind working behind his eyes, but I have no clue what he’s thinking. I want to know. I want to know where this is going to go… or not go.
“What do you want for your life, Isa?” he asks.
Sliding closer to him, my legs dangle from the side of the bed, my hip touches his, but I don’t touch any other part of him. Staring straight ahead, I think about his question. If I am too telling. If I say too much of what I want, of what I dream, then I know without a doubt it won’t come true, because that’s the way that my life just is.
Instead, I tell him just a little part of my dream. “I know that complete and total happiness is probably never on my table,” I admit. “But I would like to find at least a semblance of happiness, just a slice.”
He nods his head. “Who is at your side for that?”
I love and hate at the same time that he’s asking me this question. Reaching out, I touch a piece of his messy hair. I love that he keeps his hair a bit longer on top. The deep rich color reminds me of cappuccino.
“Does it matter who I want? Because I know, as do you, that without a doubt, I don’t have a say in that, Ruslan.”
He doesn’t agree with me, he also doesn’t deny my words. He knows as much as I do that it’s the truth, too. Deciding that I can’t sit here for another silent minute, I finally make a decision. It’s a decision not only for myself, but for him too.
