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Jeremy bristled. “Her mother suffered from depression.” He hated saying this. He never wanted anyone to suggest that Piper had left him “because she was depressed.” It was so much more than that.
“I see.” Pam marked something on a document on her computer.
“And she wasn’t so keen on eating, either,” Jeremy continued. “But Sarah was too little to remember that side of her.”
“Eating disorders do run in families,” Pam explained.
Jeremy’s nostrils flared. “She’s just skinny.” He didn’t want to acknowledge the weight of an eating disorder.
“The gym teacher weighed her a few days ago,” Pam said.
“What?” Jeremy was full-on angry now. “The number on the scale is her biggest trigger. I should think that would be obvious.”
“She weighed ninety-five pounds,” Pam continued. “And the way you talk about her triggers? I think that means you know that if it’s not a full-blown eating disorder at this time, then it’s about to be.”
Jeremy closed his eyes for a long time. The world around him seemed to spin. Guilt spread itself across his shoulders.What had he done wrong?
“If things don’t get better, she needs to be admitted to a clinic,” Pam continued softly. “We can recommend several in the Boston area.”
Jeremy shook his head as his eyes flung open. “She’d have to leave the island?”
“There just isn’t enough support here on Nantucket for something like this.”
Jeremy forced himself through the rest of the meeting with Pam Conners, alternating between feeling grateful for her help and absolutely enraged that she knew such intimate details about his family. At three-fifty, he again stood too quickly from his chair and winced, cursing himself. It had been one hell of a day.
“Oh, no. Your legs?” Pam breathed, nervous.
If Jeremy could have traded his soul for anything, it would be to wipe the minds of all Nantucket islanders of his past. He just wanted to sit in the confines of the Nantucket Courthouse basement, going through old files, forgetting the future he was meant to have.
When Jeremy arrived home, Sarah’s bedroom door was latched shut. He stood in the shadow of the hallway and contemplated what to do next as Sarah flicked from song to song, unable to find what suited her mood. Back in Jeremy’s day, they’d had the radio and tape players and far more patience. So much had changed.
“Honey?” Jeremy rapped his knuckles against the door. “What do you say we go out to eat tonight?”
There was desperation in his voice. Teenagers could smell desperation like mold in the fridge.
“Don’t think so!” Sarah called back. “Not hungry. Had a big lunch.”
Jeremy’s heart sank into his belly. “We both know that’s not true, hon.”
The music blared louder. Jeremy yanked at the bedroom door handle, putting all his rage from his meeting with Pam onto the tiny gold nob. He wanted to tear it off.
“What the hell?” Sarah unlocked the door and opened it, standing before him like an animated skeleton in a light pink dress. Her dark hair had thinned considerably and sat limp across her shoulders.
“I just want to eat with you tonight. Something. Anything. Please, baby.” Jeremy hated the way his voice broke. He’d once taken the football team to state championships. He’d once had his legs torn apart in an accident, only to relearn how to walk again.Why did he let this seventeen-year-old walk all over him?
“Dad? Just leave me alone, okay? That’s all I ask.” Sarah slammed the door closed with more strength than her little body should have allowed.
Jeremy leaned back against the wall, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. Yet again, he tried to clear his mind even as his mind raced through potential recipes for the night ahead: chocolate cake, ice cream, fondue, pizza.What would draw her out of her room and back to the dining room table? What would make her eat again?
