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When Colleen started therapy, she learned not to blame herself for not defending herself; she was only a child. He was the adult. “He used the towel on my legs, but then the next thing I felt was his hands on my legs. His fingers were cold, and I pulled away,” she said, recalling his cold fingers trailing up her thighs. “He told me to be a good girl, he said he had to make sure I was dried off before he took me back home.”
Colleen was quiet for a few moments as tears rolled down her cheeks. Finn turned her over in his arms and dried her tears with his thumb. He didn’t say a word, but she could feel his heart pounding. He must have suspected that what she was about to say was important. She curled in closer to him, taking a deep breath. She wanted to stay right where she was, in Finn’s arms, where she felt safe and cared for. She couldn’t bear to look at him and see pity in his eyes. Then everything would change between them.
“Colleen?”
Colleen blinked her eyes open. If she had any doubts, they vanished when she held his attentive gaze. There was no judgment, only concern.
He caressed her cheek with his finger. “Take as much time as you need.”
She gave him a nod and took a deep breath. “He touched me,” she said in a whisper. “He reached inside my underpants and touched me with his big, fat fingers.” She squeezed her eyes shut, recalling the pain. The moment that man took something from her that she could never get back. “I didn’t know what to do. The thunder and lightning got worse. I was too afraid to go outside, but terrified he’d be mad at me if I left. I was worried he’d tell my parents I was a bad girl. So, I stayed, too scared to move.”
Finn kissed her forehead. It was a simple, chaste kiss but the gentle press of his lips against her skin connected her to him. It grounded her to remain in the moment and gave her the resolve to finish her story. She opened her eyes. He held her hand next to his heart.
“I think I zoned out. But I remember him touching inside me. It hurt. He took my hand and put it on his penis—he’d taken it out of his pants. He told me I had to learn how to do this because it was what boys liked. It felt wrong, but I touched him anyway.” She shivered, recalling the smell of whiskey on his breath when he told her to do something she didn’t understand. “I was confused and wanted to go home, so I thought if I did what he told me to do, I’d be able to leave. But then he made weird noises. There was more thunder and lightning and the rain was coming down even harder. Somehow, I was able to push him away. I pulled up my pants and ran outside.” She recalled shoving the door open, her small legs pumping hard as she ran back to her house through the pounding rain. “I was terrified by a huge crash of lightning and I screamed as loud as I could, but I got away. I got away,” she repeated, through her tears.
Finn gathered her close. She grabbed handfuls his shirt into her fists and sobbed into his chest. Years of pent up pain poured out of her. She’d never imagined that she would ever share this story with Finn. But here they were. He never said a word as he held her closer, like a steadfast fortress of support. Only the hammering beat of his heart conveyed his emotion. He held her close to him until she had no more tears.
She peeked up at him.
Finn’s expression was impenetrable. His lips were set in a hard line and his eyes focused on hers with fierce attention.
“You’re not saying anything,” she said with caution. What was he thinking?
He blinked a few times and took a deep breath, his eyes softened as he gently wiped the tears away from her cheek with his fingers.
CHAPTER 33
FINN
Jesus Christ. He was impressed by Colleen’s courage, even at such a young age she had fought for herself. He looked into her eyes. There was so much strength there, but her expression was guarded. He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, “You were an incredibly brave little girl.” He was at a loss for what to say next, so he opted to ask her to continue the timeline of events.“What happened when you went back home?”
“I shouted that I was back and fumbled my way to my bedroom and locked the door. Mr. Pike must have rejoined the party because I could hear his high-pitched laughter and the music for hours. I stayed awake and sat on my bed, waiting to run away again, if I had to. Later, the power came back on, and I changed into my pajamas.”
How long did she sit there alone and afraid? He couldn’t begin to imagine how vulnerable she must have felt. “What about your parents?”
“After the party broke up, my father knocked on the door and asked me to let him in. I didn’t want to. I was still afraid. He was persistent, so eventually I opened the door. He’d been drinking like the others and was a little unsteady on his feet, but he looked closely at me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was, but I don’t think he believed me. He wanted to tuck me in, but I wouldn’t let him.” Her voice became strained. “I was confused and ashamed I had done something bad.”
Finn sucked in a sharp breath, trying to keep his anger under control. How the hell could she feel ashamed? He wanted to shout that question out loud but thought better of it. The last thing she needed was him losing his shit. He held her tighter. “Did you tell your parents?”
Colleen gave a slow shake of her head. “I didn’t know how. My mom was struggling, and my dad was worried about her.”
“What about when you got older?”
“Mr. Pike moved away a few months later, and it didn’t seem necessary. Years went by. I had boyfriends but I always resisted whenever a boy wanted to do anything more than kiss me. No second base stuff for me,” she said, pointing a finger at herself. “I was a good girl through and through.”
Finn recollected Colleen’s shyness the night they kissed in the park. At the time, he assumed she was inexperienced, but given his reputation as a party boy, it was no wonder she was hesitant. “My God,” he said, running a hand through his hair, glancing away.
“Hey,” she took his hand in hers. “I’m okay, Finn.”
Finn closed his eyes briefly as guilt coursed through him. He’d fucked so many women. How many of them shared Colleen’s trauma? “I want to fix this for you, but I can’t and it’s frustrating.”
“I understand. Even though I never told my parents, I did a few years of therapy with a psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse. My last appointment with her was after my father died.”
“For grief counseling?”
“No.” Colleen averted her gaze and rubbed her hands on her thighs. “Dan Pike showed up at the reception after the funeral.”
“He was there?” Finn asked with a growl.
