AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When word reached Zander of the sudden illness of his friend, he had rushed to his bedside with just moments to spare before feeling the last breath of life leave his body. As Tallie and Zander had stood on either side of the man who was the center of their collective worlds, he had joined their two hands together and held them to his chest. “Take care of my little girl, Zander,” he had said. “Promise me.”
When Zander had given his vow to follow his friend’s directive, Natalia’s father had smiled softly, closed his eyes, and drifted off to the next life, their hands still entwined with his own.
They had remained in that position for what seemed many minutes until finally Zander had separated the deceased man’s hands from theirs, though Natalia refused to let loose of Zander’s hand. “You are all I have left, now,” she had said before letting go of his fingers.
Zander had moved around the bed and taken her in his arms, his only intention to offer comfort, though he could not help but notice the feel of her womanly form against himself. He had pushed her from him and turned, cursing himself for his weakness and depravity.
The first year had been spent in mourning and Zander had enrolled Natalia at the Hammersmith School on the excuse she no doubt needed a woman’s touch and comfort during this time and the lessons in comportment and household management would serve her well in her eventual life as a married woman.
“Finishing school?” Natalia’s eyes had flashed. “I have no need for finishing. Are you saying I am somehow deficient? Did my father not do a sufficient job in rearing me?”
“Of course not. Your father was an excellent man and devoted father. However, I believe some female companionship as well as a few lessons in etiquette would not be a waste of time.”
“Etiquette?” she had hissed at him. “I will show you etiquette,” she said as she flounced from the room and slammed the door.
He had held firm and managed to get her delivered to Hammersmith School without creating a scene. She had refused to allow him to escort her inside, instead practically jumping from the carriage at the entrance and strolling forward without a backward glance.
He ought to have been pleased at her compliance, but the sight of her walking away from him pierced his heart and it had taken all his resolve not to chase after her and drag her back to Slattery Hall with him. But, he had told himself, it was through the young ladies she would encounter at Hammersmith School that she would form the social connections and friendships that would see her through the balance of her adulthood. Those were the people she needed. Not some washed-up has-been of a man who was incapable of comporting himself in the way a proper gentleman should.
Though born into a respectable family, Zander had no title and eschewed the posturing and formalities of society, finding it all rather dull and uninspired. He longed for adventure and challenges, like those he had left behind in South America.
He had refrained from returning there until Tallie was properly married, as was his obligation as her guardian. He had remained at Slattery Hall, though he spent many of his nights at the private club that catered to men with his dark desires.
Frequently he had stayed out all night and well into the morning using up his ardor upon the bodies of many willing women, yet none of them satisfied the craving he felt and knew at the depths of his soul could only be slaked by Tallie.
In those moments when he allowed himself to freely explore his yearnings for her, he envisioned initiating her in the passions that men and women could share. Her sweet innocence would be his to cherish and nurture. He would love her tenderly, in a way he was incapable of being with any other woman, in this country or any of the dozens he had traveled through in his frantic search to rid himself of his obsession with his friend’s daughter.
And after he had devoured every inch of her body, probed her to her very soul, then he would introduce her to the pleasures of ultimate submission, giving over her independence, only to him and only when he commanded it. He never wished to turn her into one of the simpering young ladies of theton. No, her spirit would finally be freed to full expression in the communing of their souls.
But, he could not. Would not.
Tallie deserved to live the life that had been planned out for her from the moment of her birth. A titled husband from a family with a history and status to match the Waltham family. Rounds of balls and charity galas, and eventually children who would grow up and continue the same cycle.
Zander needed to find another focus as well.
He had even encouraged a friend to arrange for him to be invited to several dinner parties where age-appropriate women in search of a spouse, or preferably, simply a lover might be found, but none of them sparked his fancy the way an onyx-haired young lady named Natalia could.
If the remainder of his nights were filled with dreams of her accompanied by regret, then so be it, but he would not defile a young woman and certainly not one who had been entrusted to his care.
More than anything, he loathed the idea that in time, she would realize she had made a monumental mistake by saddling herself with an old man as a husband. He would not deprive her of a man who was suitable and able to give her everything she deserved.
He loved her too much to hold her back.
Chapter Two
