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He swallowed at the thought of joining them in their cabin in only a few minutes. It had to be done, and Kyle had to figure out who he was—and who he was meant to be.
Holly had texted to ask if he could cover her during dinner that night, claiming she had “something fun and personal, so don’t ask any questions,” going on. He told her yes, because heaven knew Holly had covered for everyone at the lodge at least once, Kyle included. Some of the band managers requested she meet the band upon their arrival at the ranch, because she was that good with people. She could hold names and information in her head Kyle never could.
Absolutely, he said.Whatever you need.
He realized he hadn’t responded to Mama, so he went back to her and said,Leaving the trailhead now.
Todd had messaged to say he was taking Laura for a late lunch that day, and if Kyle needed anything from town to let him know.
Nothing from anyone else, and Kyle looked up from his device. His thumbs hovered over the screen, and he thought about what he could possibly say to Maddy.
I’m so sorry about everything, he thought. Please forgive me and say we can try again.
He didn’t type anything, and he wasn’t sure how long he sat there, thinking about the beautiful woman he wanted in his life, before his phone chimed again. He blinked and looked down at it.
Great, thanks, Kyle! Holly had said. It’s just making sure dinner service goes okay. I’ll be back for the concert, so it shouldn’t interfere. If I’m running late, I’ll send reinforcements your way.
Sounds good, he tapped out and sent, and then he put his phone down and started the drive back to the ranch.
Twenty minutes later, he took a deep breath and went up his parents’ front steps. He’d been raised in this house, and he’d helped build all the family cabins on this lane. His father had been raised here too, with a brother and a sister. Neither of them were involved with the Texas Longhorn Ranch anymore, and he marveled that he and all of his siblings were. Becks had come to work here too, and Kyle loved having such a big family so close.
He didn’t knock as he went inside, the scent of bacon and sausage meeting his nose. Of course Mama had made both. If someone was coming for a meal, even just him, she made a big deal out of it.
Kyle wasn’t the only one there, though. Both Jesse and Adam stood at the counter in the back of the house, and everyone paused in their conversation and turned toward him as he entered. His pulse went wild, kicking and beating to get out of his chest.
He swallowed hard and told himself this was good. He could explain and apologize once instead of three times. Jesse wore a semi-disgusted expression on his face, but Adam only looked worried.
“Howdy, Kyle,” he said first, peeling away from the pack in the kitchen.
Kyle appreciated him so much in that moment. He’d always spent most of his time with his older brothers, but Adam was a good man and a good brother. Kyle hugged him tightly and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Adam.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Adam said. He pulled away and swallowed. “We’ve all lost our way a time or two.”
Kyle nodded, because Adam had been on a path of rediscovering himself for a while now. Three years since his divorce had made him bitter and somewhat angry. Since Blake had started dating Gina, Adam had begun to soften. He still had a sharp tongue, and he didn’t pull any punches, but he wasn’t opening glowering at anyone who dared to say they liked someone of the opposite sex.
Jesse stayed at the counter, and Kyle and Adam approached together. “Jess.” Kyle pulled his brother into a rough hug. “I’m sorry for being a jerk and abandoning everyone.”
Jesse said nothing as he gripped Kyle in return. They separated, and Kyle met his eyes. “Families forgive,” Jesse said simply, though it did seem like it had taken him a great deal of effort to speak the words.
They sounded like Mama’s words anyway, and she’d probably coached him on what to say when Kyle showed up for breakfast.
He switched his gaze to his parents. “Morning, Kyle,” Daddy said, no “son” in his rough rancher voice present this morning.
Pure relief filled Kyle, and he sucked back his emotion as he rounded the island to hug his father. “I’m so sorry, Daddy,” he whispered. “I’ve been trying to figure out what to do and who to be.”
“I know you have.” His dad clapped him on the back several times and pulled away. “Kyle, you know who you are. When you buck against that, the problems start.” He nodded, that clearly the end of his speech.
Mama could lecture with the best of Texas mommas, but this morning, she drew Kyle right against her heart and held him there. She said nothing, and when they parted, Kyle wiped his eyes and said, “I love you, Mama. I’m sorry for causing so many problems with my big dreams.”
She sniffled too and waved his apology away like it was an annoying fly. She focused on the spread of food in front of her. “Breakfast tacos,” she said. Her voice was only slightly pinched, and that disappeared as she said, “These are pancakes for the shells. Then, you can put in eggs, bacon, cheese, sausage, green peppers, onions.” She pointed out each ingredient as she said it. “Salsa and sour cream on the table. Let’s say grace and eat.”
Everyone looked at her, but she deferred to Daddy. The moment he met Kyle’s eyes, he knew he’d have to do it, and sure enough, Daddy said, “Kyle, would you?”
He would, but he wasn’t sure if hecould.
He nodded, his throat already tight. His mind felt furry, like the thoughts couldn’t quite get where they needed to in order to make it to his mouth. He swept the ballcap from his head and folded it into his arms.
His eyelids shook he squeezed his eyes closed so hard. “Lord,” he said, already stalled. His mind flipped from thought to thought, and he honestly couldn’t find the right one. His whole life was like this, and as the silence stretched, his humiliation only doubled.
