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“Lord,” Adam said, and Kyle’s eyes fluttered open. His whole body relaxed. “Bless Kyle to find the right words to say. Amen.”
“Amen,” Mama murmured, but no one else said anything. No one moved to start eating either. He looked at Adam, who nodded at him like,There you go, brother. Say what you need to say.
Kyle closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. As it left his body, he felt his shoulders go down. His thoughts settled. “Lord,” he said. “We’re grateful for our land here in Texas. It’s such a blessing to live here and work here together.” His voice broke, but he kept his composure with a quick breath in. “I’m grateful for my family, who is forgiving and hardworking and kind. Bless them all with the things they need to be happy and healthy. Bless me with those same things, and help me to know what they are when they’re in my life.”
The words poured out of him, and while Kyle had prayed to know what to do over the past couple of weeks, it was nothing as powerful as this. He took another few moments to recognize the thoughts in his head, and then he said, “Bless this food and help us to do Thy will with it. Amen.”
Everyone chorused “Amen,” this time, and Mama went right for a plate. “I can’t wait to try these,” she said. “It’s a new recipe.”
Mama loved trying new recipes and she expected to be complimented on them. Kyle exchanged a look with Jesse. He rolled his eyes, and that made Kyle grin wider than he knew he could. They’d all tell Mama how amazing the breakfast tacos were, even if they weren’t very good. Since pancakes and eggs were literally two foods that should be eaten the moment they came out of the pan, Kyle was sure the tacos wouldn’t be amazing.
He still loaded his plate with three of them and bent over as if taking a big bite of the juiciest beef brisket taco on the planet. Jesse watched him take that first bite—everyone did, even Mama—and Kyle’s mouth rebelled against his brain.
He expected a taco, though he knew intellectually it wouldn’t be the beef brisket. Once his mind caught up to the spongy pancake and salty bacon, as well as the texture of the scrambled eggs, he lifted one thumb in a gesture that it was good. He swallowed and said, “It would be better hot.”
“Oh, you.” Mama threw a folded paper towel at him, and he flinched like it had been a knife. They all laughed, and then everyone else took their first bite of the breakfast tacos too.
Adam shook his head, a frown between his eyes, but Jesse nodded. “It’s good,” he said as he went in for a second bite.
“I’m deconstructing mine,” Adam said. He put it back on his plate and speared a forkful of eggs instead of combining them with the other things inside the “taco.”
Kyle had eaten one of his tacos and was considering if he could really consume another when Mama said, “When are you going to talk to Maddy?”
He looked at her. “I’ve stopped by her place a few times,” he said as he surveyed the others at the table. Daddy focused on his food, so he wouldn’t say anything. Adam and Jesse both watched him.
“That’s lazy,” Jesse said. “You don’t even know if she’s there.”
“Be nice,” Mama said, but she’d brought up the topic. She looked at Kyle. “He might be right, though. You’ve got to plan something to win her back.”
“What if she doesn’t want to try again?” Kyle asked, vocalizing the thing that had been holding him back from not being lazy about contacting her. If she rejected him again…Kyle wasn’t sure what would happen then. “I’m not really, I don’t think.”
“What do you need to be ready for?” Adam challenged.
“I need to be the man she wants me to be.”
“Son,” Daddy said. He shook his head as all the attention swung to him.
“What?” Kyle asked.
“Baby,” Mama said. She reached across the table and patted Kyle’s hand. “Becoming the man you want to be, and who she wants you to be, and who God wants you to be is a lifelong endeavor.”
Kyle blinked, sure he hadn’t heard her right. He looked at Jesse and Adam, but neither of them said anything. They’d both been married before, and while he’d never gotten in too deep as to why both of their marriages had failed, he couldn’t imagine how they’d felt.
He’d be willing to bet a lot like he had the past couple of weeks. Dejected. Rejected. Worthless. “I just…I just want to be the best version of myself I can be,” he whispered.
“What’s that going to take?” Daddy asked.
Kyle shrugged, but Mama said, “Nope. You don’t get to do that. You’re safe here. Tell us what you think it’s going to take to be the best version of yourself.”
He thought about it, something he’d been doing for weeks now. Even before Maddy had broken up with him. “I’ve been so…blinded by the country music track,” he said slowly. “I think I’m talented, and smart. I think I write great songs. For whatever reason, that man isn’t…me.”
Silence sat over all of them, and Kyle realized what he’d said. The last of the air inside his big balloon of hopes and dreams hissed out. “I don’t think I’m meant to be a country music star,” he said. “I think once I stop fighting against myself, I could become a better version of who I am now.”
Mama nodded, but it wasn’t in agreement. Simply acknowledgement that she’d heard him. “Then maybe it’s time to stop fighting with yourself.”
Kyle nodded, and the meal continued. He ended up deconstructing his breakfast taco too, and as he put his dishes in Mama’s dishwasher, his phone made an awful, blaring sound. So did Jesse’s and Adam’s, and Kyle’s ears hurt from the loudness of the noise.
Jesse yelled, but it was nothing in comparison to the alarms blaring from their phones. He looked at his and saw a wildfire warning for the whole of Burnet County. He tappedokayto indicate he’d read the message, and his phone stopped wailing.
