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I make it through home room without anyone else bothering me.
History, English and Biology speed past in a blur.
I don’t even know why I attend the classes. I’m leaving on Wednesday, and I have no reason to put myself through any of this. But when I thought about hiding in my room and waiting out the rest of my time at Toussaint, I felt so claustrophobic and panicky that this seemed like my only other real option.
I tell myself it’s the boredom and the close quarters until I almost believe it. I pretend like my room didn’t smell of Theo when I woke up this morning. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that my bedsheets are still rumpled because we had sex in them last night, and—
“Ahh! There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. What the hell isthat?” Lani plants herself down in the seat opposite me in the dining hall, eyeing the mess I’ve made of my sloppy joe. The sandwich is a mountain of mush in the middle of my tray, and my plastic fork is sticking out of the top of it like a flagpole.
“Inedible,” I answer morosely.
“I see that. Here. Eat this.” She slaps a chocolate cake bar, still in its wrapper, down on the table beside my tray.
I slide it back to her. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do that. I’m just not hungry.”
She shoves it back. “Bullshit. I know the look of a girl who needs chocolate. Are you upset about yesterday?”
I take the chocolate cake bar and open it, shoving it into my mouth and biting off the end. Sugar explodes across my tongue, and for a hot second, Idofeel better. “I don’t give a shit about yesterday,” I mumble around the mouthful of cake.
Noelani gives me a reproachful look. “I’m your friend. You know you can tell me if you are. I’m not gonna think badly of you for it. You’re only human. And Seb’s a dick. What he did was—”
I swallow. “Seriously. It’s fine. Aside from being pissed off about the massive lump on the back of my head, I’m really fine. I couldn’t give a shit about Sebastian. Honestly, I have other, more pressing matters on my mind right now.”
She takes a bite of her egg salad sandwich, raising her eyebrows. “Such as?”
For a moment, I consider brushing off her question and making an excuse for my black mood. But the earnest look in her eyes, and the genuine concern in her tone has me letting out a deep sigh. “I need to go to see the nurse.”
She pales, dumping her sandwich down onto her tray. “Shit, Sorrell. Your head’s bad, isn’t it? Do you have a concussion? We can’t fuck around with stuff like that. It’s super important that we get you to a proper hospital if you’re having any weird symptoms—”
“No, no, my head’s fine. I promise. It’s not that.”
She stares at me, eyes wide. “Then what?”
Urgh, man, this is going to suck. I take a deep breath and slump back into my chair, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my index finger. “Well. I hate to admit this, but…I kinda need the morning after pill.”
“I thought you hated him,” Lani says, sitting beside me outside the nurse’s office. She hasn’t stopped chewing her nails since I told her what took place last night. She’s didn’t seem shocked at all when I told her about Theo. If anything, she seemed excited. I can only attribute her obsessive nail-chewing to sympathetic nerves—Idohave to walk into this office in a second and tell the nurse that I fucked someone without protection last night.
“I hate him plenty,” I growl, letting my head fall back unti—actually, ow. No. Tipping my head back to that angle is really painful. I straighten in my seat, sighing heavily at the ridiculousness of this situation. Next to me, Lani twists in her seat so that she’s fully facing me, her entire being humming with fraught energy. “Are you guys dating now? Did he tell you he was in love with you? Does it feel really…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Reallyrightor something?”
I pull a face at her. “No, of course not. It doesn’t feel really right. It feels reallywrong. I’m not dating him. I’d buy Theo Merchant a one-way ticket straight to hell if I could. And why would he profess his undying love for me, Lani? The guy barely freaking knows me.”
Disappointment replaces her sunny expression. “I don’t know. I just thought…you can’t deny there’s been some tension between you two. After he beat the shit out of Sebastian, and…I mean,yousleptwith himlast night, Sorrell! Why would you sleep with him if you hated him so much?”
I puff out my cheeks, glancing at the clock on the wall. It’s almost two-fifty. The nurse’s office closes at four. Still plenty of time to see her, but she has other appointments. If they run over, she won’t be able to fit me in. And I can’t not see her.Today. I absolutely did not come to Toussaint to destroy Theo’s life, only to get knocked up by him instead. That’s just fucking madness. “A moment of madness,” I tell Lani, echoing my thoughts out loud. “My life has been nothing but madness ever since I got here.”
I can tell she doesn’t like this response. She stares at the floor, chewing on whatever she just ripped off her thumb, her knees bouncing up and down, up and down. “So you don’t feel anything for him? Nothing at all?” she asks.
“Oh, I feel plenty for him and none of it’s good. Look, I know you’re trying to be sweet and you’re just looking out for me, but you don’t need to wait with me. If there’s something you need to do, I can always meet you later. It’s really no problem.”
Her eyes are double their normal size and full of hurt when she says, “Dude. I would never abandon you at a time like this. What kind of friend would I be if I let you do this by yourself?”
The kind of friend I need right now?I know saying something like this out loud to her will only hurt her feelings more. And she’s right in a way—ever since I lost Rachel, I haven’t had a friend to lean on. I’ve gotten so used to taking care of myself and dealing with my problems alone, that it does feel nice to have someone support me through this. I just wish she’d stop talking about Theo, what Theo did, what I feel for Theo, for, like, five seconds. I’m having a hard enough time ejecting the bastard from my head as it is.
“I had to get a Plan B from here last year,” Lani confesses out of the blue. “It wasn’t so bad. They didn’t ask too many questions.”
I have to say, I’m surprised to hear this. I just assumed that Lani was a virgin. She’s so sweet and shy that it never occurred to me that she might be sexually active. I round on her, looking at her through a new lens. “Who didyousleep with?” I demand.
She blushes. “Oh, he isn’t here anymore. He graduated last year. His name was Clay. It was a mistake, but…it was still fun,” she says, grinning wickedly.
