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“That settles it. I don’t want to hear about it second hand. I want to get back there and relive it for myself. Those memories are still up here, I’m sure they are.” I tap the side of my head. “I’m gonna get them back. I’m gonna work my ass off until I remember every second of our life together before the accident.”
Cautiously, I reach up and do something I’ve been dying to do for weeks; I use the tip of my finger to lightly trace a line between the freckles that make up the triangle underneath Theo’s eye. He laughs softly, closing his eyes as I do it. He looks so at peace. I almost expect him to start purring like a cat.
“Have I done this before?” I whisper.
He nodsveryslowly. “You have.” Eyes opening, he gingerly reaches up a hand and strokes his fingers alongmycheekbone, down my cheek, carefully, as if I might break. I’d put money on that—that hedoesthink I’m going to break. How awful that must be, to be holding your breath, waiting for the person you love to splinter apart and not be themselves anymore. To watch them become someone else, over and over and over again.
“I mean it,” I tell him. “I’m gonna figure this out. I’m going to get my memories back. We’ve got time. And I’m not going anywhere.”
He smiles a smile that says he knows better. “You promise?”
This is a promise that I can’t make. Shouldn’t make. There are no guarantees here. But I find myself making it anyway. “I promise.”
He brushes his lips gently over mine, and all the world goes quiet. “I’ve decided,” he whispers against my mouth, “that it doesn’t matter either way. I’ve thought about it long and hard over the past couple of weeks, and it doesn’t matter. If you get your memories back, then that’ll be amazing. If you don’t…” He pauses, stealing another featherlight kiss. “It’ll be okay. I’ve discovered recently that I can be endlessly patient when the need arises. If I have to wait for you to fall in love with me all over again, then that’s okay with me. I can do that. I’ll cherish the past we shared for the both of us, and we can look to the future instead. Because we still have a fuckload of firsts to look forward to, Kid.”
My heart breaks to hear him talk like this. Our history sounds beautiful. It must have been, for a guy like him to have walked through fire to try and save me. I hate the thought of abandoning something that must have been incredibly important to me, too. But I do like the sound of us making new memories together. Ones that will be mine and don’t belong to another version of me. “Oh yeah?” I smile up to him, twirling a curl of his hair around my fingers. “And what kind of firsts mighttheybe?”
“Well.” His smile is wickedly suggestive; I melt at the sight of it. “We’ve never been together here before.”
I look around his bedroom. “Seriously? We haven’t?”
“I didn’t board here before. I only moved into the academy this year. I wanted to be closer to you. So yeah. If I were to strip you naked and fuck the shit out of you inthisroom, it would be a completely new experience for the both of us.”
I want Theo.
I need him.
I’m drawn to him so desperately that I can barely breathe when I’m around him. I’ve already had him inside me, and it was the highlight of my entire fucking life. Hearing him talk about fucking me shouldn’t make me blush, but it does. I duck my head. Theo tuts, mirroring me, moving so that he’s occupying my line of sight all over again. “You can’t hide from me. I’d have thought you’d figured that out by now,” he says. His left hand moves to my t-shirt. His fingers trail over my stomach at first, but they quickly travel upward, the light contact making me break out in goosebumps as he heads north. Within seconds, he’s tracing a pathway upward toward the swell of my breasts; he hisses when he realizes that I’m not wearing a bra.Ihiss when he locates my nipple and begins to draw lazy circles around and around it, causing it to peak and stiffen. A wolfish hunger settles over him when he flicks it, making me squirm in his lap. “It’s been hell, sleeping upstairs, knowing that you’re down here. So close. I’ve made myself come every night, imagining all of the depraved shit I could be doing to you.”
“Shit. Theo—”
“Do you want me? You only have to say the word,” he rumbles.
“Yes. God, yes! It’s been nearly two weeks since…since the last time.” Lord have mercy, why is this so hard to say this to him? To fuckingthink. “I figured that maybe I wasn’t…thesameor…something. That I was better before? I suppose I figured that you haven’t wanted me because I’m so diff—”
Theo’s mouth collides with mine. The air in my lungs is heavy as lead; there’s no pushing it out of me. No pulling fresh air in. My muscles lock, rigid and unresponsive. I can’t fucking move. My blood roars in my ears when Theo cups my face, holding me steady as he parts my lips and slides his tongue past my teeth.
He tastes like mint, and sugar, and cold mountain air. A current fires to life in my veins, crackling, spitting, biting at my nerve endings, jumpstarting me to life. A second later, I’m clawing at him, winding my fingers through his hair, kissing him back, desperate to be closer to him, to feel every part of him crushed against my body, to have his hands on my skin, under my shirt, his palms on my naked breasts, his fingers gouging into my skin.
Fuck.
Fuck.
FUCK!
If I don’t calm down, I’m going to start hyperventilating. Theo pulls back a little, grinning. He laughs against my lips, nipping and biting at them, teasing me, still cupping my face in his hands. “I wanted to giveyousome time. I wanted to make sure you wantedme. Seems as though we’ve both been waiting on the other person to give us the green light.”
“The lights are green. Oh my god, the lights are always green. Please fucking touch me. I’m losing my mind.”
He rips at my clothes. I’m topless first. My pants are gone shortly after. I scrabble at his shirt, tearing it off over his head. My hands shake as I unfasten his belt, but Theo doesn’t rush me. He kneels up on the bed, hands by his sides, watching me, his gaze searing into my flesh. I finally manage to get the damned belt undone, then his pants. I drag them down his legs, sighing against my will when his cock springs free and I realize that he hasn’t been wearing any underwear.
His dick is perfect. It’s length. It’s girth—it looks good enough to fucking eat. So fucking hard and standing to attention. A silver scar runs from the head of his cock downward, a centimeter long, and I already somehow know that this is from when he was seven, when he had an emergency circumcision after he fell off his bike. His balls are pulled up tight beneath his shaft, heavy and swollen. I want to touch him so badly, but when I go to wrap my hand around him, he grabs my wrist and shakes his head.
“Not yet. You don’t get to touch me until I’ve had my fill ofyoufirst.”
I nearly whimper, like a spoiled little brat who can’t get her way. I want to feel him heavy in my palm. I want to feel the smooth, silken texture of his skin as I shuttle my hand up and down his length. It’s wholly unfair that he won’t let me have what I want.
Theo lifts my hand and places it against his chest. He takes my other hand and places it there, too, so that my palms are braced against his pecs. His skin, his warmth, his muscle—fuck! I practically purr like an alley cat in heat when I start to explore the curves and lines of his torso. My palms are on fire. I gouge my nails into him, on either side of the burning sun that has been inked onto his body. It’s a thing of elaborate beauty.Heis beautiful, in the same way that panthers, and sharks, and other sharp-toothed predators are beautiful. Thereisa danger to him. He could destroy me if he wanted to. He could rip out my heart and grind it to dust. He could sweep me away from myself, send me hurtling off a cliff face, so that I tumble, and spin, and never stop falling.
