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I turn to the guy standing behind me who raises an eyebrow at me, the look on his facing suggesting he can see right through my bullshit.
“Don’t you start,” I murmur.
But despite my charade, there’s a small part of me that is nervous about all of this. Not about doing it, just about…I don’t know, wanting it to be done already. Finalized, sorted, set in stone so nothing can undo it.
The past few years have been filled with so many changes, some of them very unexpected and some of them desperately wanted. But none of them compare to the change I’m about to make today.
“Showtime,” I hear my dad mutter as somewhere, some music starts to play.
I take a deep breath, before turning to quite literally, face the music. Next to me, Will catches my eye, grinning because apparently, he too, can see that I’m full of shit.
I subtly flip him off and he chuckles before nodding to the end of the drive and the car that has just stopped.
I see Oscar and Ollie climb out first, practically bouncing up and down with excitement as they jump and wave at me, huge grins on their faces as though it’s been forever since they last saw me.
Ellen soon follows, trying to get them under control, even as she glances up in my direction, as though to confirm I really am here.
I nod at her, grinning as she almost visibly exhales before turning back to the car.
Lu comes next and despite her claims yesterday that she wasn’t anxious, that she believed me when I said everything would all be okay, I watch as she lets out a long, slow breath, her whole body relaxing when her eyes meet mine.
I wink at her and she smiles, and that’s all it takes for my nerves to disappear.
I watch as Oscar practically runs toward me, Ollie desperately trying to slow him down by grabbing his arm. He ignores her though and when he reaches me, we go through the same handshake routine we’ve been doing for the past two years, before he heads over to stand beside his dad.
Ollie soon follows, her cheeks blushing a little as she walks up to me and I crouch down and wait for her. I give her a hug before she moves to the other side and waits for her mum.
When Ellen reaches us, she gives Will a quick smile before turning back to me and murmuring, “Guess I don’t have to cut your balls off after all.”
I chuckle. “Please, my balls are strictly reserved for your sister,” I say, leaning in to kiss her cheek as she shakes her head at me.
And then it’s Lu.
Walking toward me on her Dad’s arm. She’s dressed in a simple white dress, nothing like the monstrosity she set fire to two years ago. This one’s strapless, her bare shoulders covered with nothing but her long blonde hair and she looks fucking beautiful.
“Hey Lulu,” I say, when she finally reaches me, taking her hand in mine as I press a kiss to her cheek. “You okay.”
She exhales, the shaky, “Yes,” barely audible as her fingers squeeze mine.
I don’t remember much about the ceremony. Not until the end when, with her hands in mine, and a ring firmly placed on her finger, the celebrant finally tells me I can kiss my wife.
I pull her into my arms, dipping her backward and kissing her hard on the mouth as all around us, I hear the sounds of our family and friends, cheering and clapping.
Many of them have come from Australia, my parents and other relatives included. Everyone making the journey all this way to help celebrate something that’s been over sixteen years in the making. It’s great to see them all and as much as I miss the country I grew up in, I know that this, right here, is exactly where I want to be.
“You believe me now,” I whisper, our foreheads touching.
Lu chuckles. “I do,” she says, smiling up at me. “But thank you for last night,” she adds. “You didn’t need to do that, but I loved it, so thank you.”
Last night…
After I’d left, taking an Uber into Napa and checking into a hotel, I’d called her, knowing she’d be back at our place freaking out. As much as I know she believed me when I told her I wasn’t going anywhere, that I’d absolutely be showing up today, I knew that past hurt still lingered. That it would be impossible for her to picture this day without remembering what happened last time.
We’d chatted for an hour or so, but when we eventually said goodbye, I realized I didn’t care about us not seeing each other the night before we got married. What did it matter? So, I’d called another Uber and gone back home, sliding into bed beside her as she lay awake, staring up at the ceiling.
She’d been surprised, but I knew it had been the right call when she turned into me, her head resting on my chest and finally drifted off to sleep. I’d woken early this morning, confident this whole not seeing each other before we got married thing was total bullshit as I rolled her beneath me. But then she kicked me out, refusing to let me have my way with her.
“Come on, baby,” I’d said, sliding my hand up her body. “One last shag before we’re married.”
