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Ellen: Meet me in your office?
Me: K
Ellen is sitting at my desk when I walk in, sorting through some papers and I’m sure squaring away payroll. She keeps that part of our business organized and running smoothly. Numbers have always been her strong suit and without her, this place wouldn’t run as smoothly.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I say to her as I walk in, keeping things casual and hoping she wants to discuss payroll or purchasing or something other than Jack.
“Hey, I’m sorry about the other day,” she says abruptly and I have no idea what she’s talking about. Guessing the look on my face indicates that because she continues. “I’m sorry I said you weren’t single by choice. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” Ellen snaps back and I’m not sure what to say. “We do this thing where we joke about it and it shouldn’t be a joke. He fucked you up and you know it. It’s why you haven’t let anyone get close to you. It’s why you’re shutting Jack out.”
“I’m not shutting Jack out,” I defend. “I’m not interested in Jack.” The lie falls from my mouth so easily like a hot knife through butter.
Ellen nods her head, but the look on her face says she doesn’t believe me. I don’t even believe myself anymore.
“I’m just saying you should give him a chance. He’s not…” Ellen trails off, not wanting to say his name.
It’s become commonplace for neither of us to say it. In the beginning I just cried when anyone mentioned him. Then my sadness turned to anger, me snapping at anyone who talked about a wedding, getting married and anything to do with marriage. Weddings at the vineyard are still on hiatus.
“I hear you, Ellen, but…”
“You’re lonely,” she says, interrupting me.
“Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.”
“Whatever you say,” Ellen says, shrugging her shoulders. “I just want you to be happy and I know you’re not that.”
She’s right. I haven’t been happy in a long time, but I’m pretty certain I’m allowed to be unhappy. I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule on when you get over being stood up at your own wedding.
“I know and I’ll get there,” I say, reassuring her and myself.
It’s Jack’s accent that cuts through our conversation. He’s back in the adjoining tasting room, and back at it with my customers and Penny.
I roll my eyes and Ellen laughs.
“See, you really think I’d be interested in that? He’s out there flirting with Penny now. It’s just what he does.” My hand flits at the door and Ellen laughs again.
“He’s flirting with Penny to get your attention.”
“Oh my god, you sound just like Mom.”
Ellen and I walk out of my office just as Tommy is walking up. Stopping us, he begins to fill us in on a few issues that have arisen with one our crushers being down. Production is behind and we only have a few more weeks before we run out of the cabernet we produce on the property. While this isn’t a huge disaster, it’s enough to put us a little on edge.
Tourist season is almost in full swing and what kind of winery are we if we run out of one of our biggest sellers? The whole process usually takes us at least twelve weeks and with our main machine down, we need to come up with plan B.
“Off-site?” Ellen suggests and it’s really our only option.
We use an off-site co-packer to produce some of our cheaper wines and until this crusher is fixed it looks like this is it. The quality won’t be nearly as good, but it’ll sell.
Ellen heads back into my office to make some calls and see if our co-packer even has the capacity or the room to add another wine to our production schedule.
I turn, my eyes catching Jack through the window of the tasting room. He’s behind the counter with Penny and they’re laughing and chatting with customers.
“Lauren?” Tommy calls despite me standing next to him. He’s obviously been calling my name.
“Yeah?” I respond, turning back toward Tommy.
