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“I booked a wedding for August,” I announce, proud of myself for finally getting past the hurdle and the association of weddings with the collapse of my own. I give Ellen a curt nod of my head, but she doesn’t say anything.
I thought she’d be thrilled knowing this is a huge moneymaker for us, but instead of responding with excitement she says, “I ran into Nate today.”
And maybe what I thought the universe was trying to tell me was wrong. Maybe it’s reminding me that I’m a damn fool.
I close my eyes and scrub my hands over my face. Not entirely certain how to respond to Ellen’s words.
“Boy, you know how to start a conversation, don’t you?” I say, my tone clipped and any happiness I had has now faded like the logo of an old t-shirt.
“Did you want me not to tell you?” Ellen responds back, her hands on her hips. “He asked about you.”
“I’m sure he did.” I roll my eyes, wondering when this fucking game with Nate will ever end. It’s like he has this radar on me, and just when I start to feel settled, it alerts him and he resurfaces like black mold, disgusting, clingy and hazardous to my health.
“If it’s any consolation, Olivia hissed at him when she saw him,” Ellen adds smiling at me a little.
“That helps,” I mutter, feeling this weight pressing down on my chest. “What did he say?” I ask the question even though I know I shouldn’t. He gave up the right to ask questions about my life when he bailed on our wedding.
“He asked if you were seeing anyone.”
“Why would he ask that?” I practically scream at Ellen, an annoyed look blanketing my face. I’m standing now, rage burning inside of me over the fact that just the mention of his name can ruin my day.
“Because he heard you were. News travels fast in the wine world,” she says, trying to lighten the mood.
“He’s not even involved in the wine world,” I say, air quoting the wordswineworldback to her. “And I’m not seeing anyone.”
“You are if you ask anyone who’s seen you with Jack.”
I want to argue with Ellen, insist that I’m not seeing Jack, but even I know it’s a fruitless argument.
When I don’t respond Ellen adds, “He’s toxic, Lauren. Jack isn’t. Please don’t let this ruin the progress you’ve made. Things are good.”
I nod, but the damage is done.
“Why did you tell me then?”
“Did you want me to lie to you? Keep it a secret and then have you find out later? You would’ve been furious if it played out like that.”
She’s right. Had I found out later that she ran into Nate and didn’t tell me, I would be angry. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting to hear his name, to know he’s asking about me.
“You’re right,” I concede, trying to shake off this heavy feeling.
“Jack is good for you. He gave me back my sister…”
Ellen tries to continue, but I talk over her. “Jack’s going to leave too, Ellen, but at least this time I know it’s coming.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Um, what’s he going to do?” I ask, my voice dripping with cynicism. “Stay here and be our maintenance man? He’s far too talented for that and I’m sure he has a life back in Australia.”
“Something brought him back here and it wasn’t just our broken crusher.”
“I’m done, Ellen,” I snap, my ass hitting the chair hard as I begin to scroll through the few emails that have come through in the last few minutes.
“Do you want to talk about the wedding?”
“My wedding!? I practically yell. “Fuck no!”
“The wedding you booked,” she says, wide-eyed at my over the top response.
