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“I walked here, but thanks.” I start walking backward down the sidewalk, waving goodnight to Jack and Lauren while Tommy stands there wondering if he should follow me or head to his car too.
“Hey Pen, wait up,” he calls, jogging a little to catch up with me. “I’ll walk you home.”
He reaches out, his hand sliding over my wrist and his warm fingers send a jolt of electricity through my body. Why does he have this effect on me? And why am I only attracted to men who don’t want me?
I stop, looking over my shoulder, I see Jack and Lauren watching us, both with knowing smiles on their faces.
“They’re watching us,” I say, my head tilting toward their prying eyes. “You may want to keep walking.” And that’s just what I do.
I’m not trying to be pushy or force him into something he doesn’t want to be a part of, but I also will not wait around for him to pull his head out of his ass. All he needs to do is tell me to get lost and I’m out the door. This is the new me, remember?
“Penny, seriously, I’m sorry.”
“You’re dishing out a lot of “I’m sorry” lately. You don’t have to be sorry and by continuing to say it, it feels like you feel guilty about something. That’s on you, not me.” I shrug, knowing he doesn’t have to keep apologizing. There’s nothing to apologize for. “This is me,” I say, pointing to the stairs around the back of Nona’s. “Thanks for dinner tonight. I really did have a nice time. I’ll see you tomorrow for mead?”
“Yeah, sure,” Tommy says, his eyes narrowed in on mine. “Penny, I...” He trails off, shaking his head and starting again. “You’re so much younger than me. What are people going to think? You want kids in like five years. I’m going to be almost forty. I can’t be the old dad.”
I hear him out, every excuse lamer than the next. Why is he in such denial here?
“Listen, I won’t chase you. I won’t try to convince you that I’m the girl for you. I’ve been there and all I’m interested in is being the right girl. The girl who doesn’t come second. So, you can keep coming up with reasons why I’m not that girl until you find the one you’re comfortable with. The one that doesn’t make you feel guilty, but something tells me you’re going to come up short.”
“What if you—”
I don’t give him a chance to finish his thought. “I won’t.” I shake my head adamantly. “I might only be twenty-three, but I know what I want. I’ve been shit on enough to know what I don’t want. Look at all the times we spent together. Look at our online conversations. Just look,” I urge, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. “Good night, Tommy.”
I take the stairs two at a time because my willpower sucks and if I don’t walk away now, I’m going to find myself waking up next to Tommy, but instead of in his beautiful house and massive king size bed, it will be in my tiny apartment on my sheets that are covered in cat hair and smell like tomatoes.
Surprisingly I fall asleep almost immediately. I figured I’d spend the rest of the night wondering if he really likes me or if I’m just a desperate loser who needs a man. But for some reason I feel different than I ever have when it comes to this kind of thing. I’ve let it go, suddenly okay with being alone. Actually, I’m not just okay with it; I’m completely good with it. I finally feel like I’m in charge of my own love life.
I wake to the sound of my phone buzzing on my nightstand, rolling over to find the screen lighting up with Terra’s number.
“Hey Terra,” I say, my words groggy as I try to pull myself from sleep.
“Hey Penny. Sorry to call so early, but I’m supposed to work this morning and my kid is sick,” she says, hesitantly.
Running the tasting room at Somerville’s isn’t just pouring wine and schmoozing with customers. It’s also managing the other employees who help out and since we’re a small bunch, when one of them is sick, it’s usually me who fills in.
“No problem,” I say, trying not to sound too defeated. “What time are you supposed to start?”
“Nine.”
“I’ll cover it,” I tell her, letting her know I hope her kid feels better and to keep me posted on if she’ll be in for her shift tomorrow. She thanks me and when I end the call, I fall back against my pillow.
“Shit,” I mutter, realizing I’m supposed to meet Tommy at eight to get started on our mead making venture.
Me: Hey. Sorry but I’m not going to be able to make it this morning. I have to work now.
His response comes almost immediately, the bubbles popping up within seconds of me hitting send.
Tommy: Is this because of what happened last night?
Me: No. I’m not going to fuck with you like that. Give you shit and tease the hell out of you, yes, but I’m not going to lie about something.
Tommy: Ok
Me: Sorry. I know you took the day off. Maybe tomorrow?
Tommy: Yeah sure.
