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I take a long sip of my beer, worried that if I confess how I really feel, these guys will never let me hear the end of it. As much as I enjoy the laid-back vibe that Somerville’s has and the way everyone acts like friends instead of boss and employee, talking about feelings and shit is not something I generally do with work colleagues. Next thing I know, they’ll find out about my money and how I made it and god knows what will happen then.
“Of course I do,” I eventually say with a shrug. “I mean one day, yeah. I’d like to get married.”
Jack rolls his eyes in an exaggerated way, waving a hand in my direction as he continues. “And you’re really into Tessa?” he asks. “Like in more than just a fuck buddy type of way, right?”
“Yes,” I say, a little defensive. I’m starting to hate that everyone knows this about us because the last thing I need is everyone thinking the same thing I’m pretty sure Tessa still does. That fuck buddy is all I’ll ever be.
“So why the fuck did you tell the entire table that you don’t want to get married and have kids, you idiot!”
He’s practically shouting now, and I turn my head to glance through the window in the door, suddenly worried the girls have all heard him. But they all appear to be engrossed in conversation, Tessa laughing and smiling a lot more than she was only minutes ago when I was in the room. And that’s when it suddenly dawns on me.
What I said.
How it will have sounded to her.
And why she’s now ignoring me and probably wondering if I really have changed like I keep claiming I have.
“Oh shit,” I murmur, turning back to the guys.
Jack tips his head as he says, “Ya think?”
Will, chuckling a little adds, “Go easy, Jack. This is all new for Dylan, right?”
“Yep, he’s definitely a novice,” Tommy adds, shooting me a grin from the grill.
“Clearly,” Jack adds, shaking his head at me as he crosses his arms over his chest.
“Look,” I say, shoving a rough hand through my hair as I take another long pull of my beer, suddenly feeling like I need something a lot stronger. “I just, I don’t know…I reacted, okay. I wasn’t thinking and I definitely didn’t mean to make it sound like I was anti-marriage or anything.”
“And the kid thing?” Jack asks, because obviously given he’s about to become a dad, this is all he’s thinking about.
“I don’t know,” I say, lifting a shoulder in a half shrug. “I mean…” I trail off.
I have no idea what I want at this moment, other than that I do not want to talk about this with these guys. As much as I consider them my friends, even though we work together, it feels weird to talk about it with them when Tessa and I haven’t even talked about it.
We haven’t even talked about what we are now, let alone in the future.
I mean are we actually dating?
Can I call her my girlfriend? She mentioned it before, but did she mean it?
Or is all of this just a test because she still doesn’t believe I want more.
“Look,” Will says, stepping forward as he gives me a smile. “Kids are a lot of work, but they are also great fun and totally worth it. Take it from us, we’ve got two-point-five between us so far,” he says, gesturing to himself and Jack. “And obviously there will be more,” he adds, waving a hand in Tommy’s direction. “It’s—"
“Actually,” Jack says, cutting him off with a huge grin. “It’s gonna be two for us too.”
“What?” Will says, clearly shocked as he glances over at Jack.
Jack laughs, his hand grabbing the back of his neck as he shakes his head, almost like he can’t believe it himself. “Yeah, so me and Lu are having twins too. You know it runs in families, so I—”
“Holy shit!” Will shouts, grabbing Jack and pulling him into a hug. “That’s fantastic!”
Tommy laughs, reaching over to shake Jack’s hand as he adds, “Is it though, I mean can you imagine two mini-Jacks running around this place?” Will and Jack both laugh, as Tommy adds, “But seriously, man, that’s great news, congratulations.”
“Thanks, thanks, I’m so fucking excited, we both are,” Jack now says. “And hey, it’ll be you guys next.” He tips his head in Tommy’s direction and I watch as Tommy smiles, glancing over to the door and the girls who are sitting inside, still laughing and talking.
I watch them all, noting how happy everyone seems, how easily Tessa fits into it all and how much I like having her here.
