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Fuck, I think to myself, I really have fucked up with that whole marriage comment. Just when we were finally in a good place too, like she was actually starting to believe I wanted more than just random hook ups. Have I just totally fucked that all up? Again.
Suddenly Jack walks over, as though he’s about to say something to me, probably something along the lines of pulling my head out of my ass and realizing that what I have with Tessa is a good thing. Like I don’t already know that.
But just as I open my mouth to cut him off, to explain that I know I’ve messed up, he continues past me, opening the back door and yelling, “Lu, babe, so yeah, I kinda told them.”
Lauren looks over, her mouth and eyes wide as she takes in Jack’s words. “What?”
He gives her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, Lulu, it just kinda came out.”
Lauren rolls her eyes at him, but she’s smiling as she shakes her head a little and turns to the others. “Okay, well, I guess I can tell you too seeing as my husband has a big mouth and has already revealed our big secret that we were planning on telling you alltogether,” she says, emphasizing the last word.
“Oh my god,” Penny says, clapping her hands together with a squeal, clearly excited.
I glance at Tessa, see her smiling at Lauren before sneaking a quick glance in my direction. As our eyes lock though, her smile disappears, and I feel a sudden sharp stabbing pain in my chest. It kills me that I’ve made her doubt me again.
“So,” Lauren continues, apparently oblivious to this tension between me and Tessa, “we found out we’re having twins.”
Tessa’s head snaps back to the conversation and she, Ellen and Penny all jump up from their chairs, laughing and squealing and pulling Lauren into a hug. I watch them, wishing I could fix this mess I’ve made.
Suddenly there’s a hand on my shoulder, gripping hard and when I turn, I’m surprised to find Tommy standing next to me. He’s watching the girls though, Penny mostly, as they celebrate this latest news.
“Just be honest with her,” he says, his words quiet.
“What?”
“Be honest,” he says, exhaling. “I spent five years in a relationship where we weren’t honest about what we wanted from it. It sucks,” he adds, squeezing my shoulder again before dropping his hand. “And you’ll end up hating each other for it too.”
This is like the most words I think Tommy’s ever spoken to me and certainly the first time he’s ever told me something so personal. I never knew he was with anyone before Pen came along because he always just seemed so grumpy and private. Kind of a loner really.
Now though, I can see how different he is. In small ways, but noticeable enough. He smiles more, laughs even, especially when Penny is around. And he engages in non-work related chat too, asking about my weekend and generally just shooting the shit about stuff.
And it’s all because he’s happy.
With Penny.
And everything that they have together.
Everything I could have with Tessa if I could just pull my foot out of my mouth.
Shit.
