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James leans in. “What’s wrong?”
I wipe my lips with the edge of my napkin, unable to look away from the woman across from me. Her mouth doesn’t give way to a smile. Love doesn’t emanate from her gaze. Her hand doesn’t motion for me to come over, nor do her legs stand to come over to me. Nothing about her body language would even hint at the fact that she’s my mother. She breaks our stare first and continues eating as if she never saw me.
“My mom’s here.”
James twists around and follows my line of sight before turning back to me. “Why don’t you go over there and ask if she received your letter?”
A lead ball sinks into my stomach. “I’m sure she got it.”
“This is your chance to confront her.” James covers my hand with his. “Give yourself closure, once and for all. I’ll go with you.”
I shake my head. “I think I need to do this by myself.”
“Then I’ll be right here if you need me.”
I slide out of the booth and push one foot in front of the other until I’m standing at my mother’s table.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello.” She doesn’t look up.
“Did you get the package I sent you?”
She nods once and takes a sip of her tea. “Thank you for the album.”
“I was hoping to hear from you after you read my letter.” I wring my hands. “You did read it, didn’t you?”
She sits back against her chair and lifts her eyes to mine. “I didn’t really have anything to say.”
My mouth drops open, yet I don’t know why I’m surprised. “So, I guess nothing has changed then.”
She shakes her head. “Why would anything have changed? I told you how I felt the day you woke up in the hospital.”
And there it is.The honest and painful truth.
“I’ve done a lot of changing and growing in the last two years, Mom. I realize now that what I did wasn’t the answer to my problems. I’ve built a really great life for myself. I’m healthy. I’m renovating Dad’s house. I fell in love. I’m even working on a book I plan on publishing one day. I’m truly happy.”
She scoffs. “Your depression is cured, just like that?”
“No, depression can’t be cured. It still creeps in sometimes, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t also laugh, and have fun, and love my life.” I pause. “I guess I just hoped that my mother would want to be a part of it.”
“What’s the point?” She rummages through her purse and sets her wallet on the table. “Your life is great, and so is mine. We don’t need each other.”
And just like that, our conversation is over.
“You know what? You’re right. I don’t need you.” I shake my head with a bitter laugh. “I can’t believe I let myself think you would’ve been capable of change.”
Mom’s eyes dart around the restaurant as the volume of my voice goes up. “Phoenix, don’t make a scene.”
Of course that’s what she’s worried about.
I try to bite my tongue, but one last comment slips out, and it’s the sharpest dagger I can find. “Dad was too good for you. I’m glad he’s not here to see what you’ve done to your children.”
I spin around and walk back to James. “Let’s go.” I toss several twenties onto the table and grab my coat. “I can’t stand to be here with her for one second longer.”
James
“Just give me a minute.”
