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Chapter 1
Birkley
Iduck my head as I look around the school hallway, hoping no one notices me, no one talks to me, no one bothers me. Especially the cheerleaders. I don’t know what I ever did for them to hate me so much. I try to be nice to everyone, but that doesn’t always mean they are nice back. My mother is a prime example of that. I’ve done nothing to her but exist, and she hates me for that fact alone.
I pull my cardigan tighter again, making sure the marks are hidden. My mother still hits me. But after one call from my fifth-grade teacher and a stern talking to from my father about reputation, she’s gotten a lot better at keeping them out of sight. Though sometimes she gets so mad she loses her cool and doesn’t care where the marks land. I’m still dreading that letter from Juilliard. I know I'm not good enough for Juilliard. Still, my mother doesn’t want to believe that she could coach anyone less than perfect, especially her own daughter.
To be honest, I would have had a better chance with any of the other musical instruments my mother taught me to play. But in her eyes, the flute is the most elegant, most pristine, so I was stuck playing that one. In her presence, anyway. I still go to the band room early and practice my other instruments.
I would rather play the drums more than anything, but god forbid my mother ever found out I took those up. Drums are basically the Satan of the music world in her eyes. Only heathens play the drums. Her words, not mine.
Playing those devil instruments is exactly where I am headed this morning. I usually stop by and see my best friend Juju before school starts, but I know she’s probably with Brody, her boyfriend. I'm so happy for her. She deserves to find someone who worships all her greatness as much as he does. But thinking of them has me thinking of Parker.
Nope, I shake my head. Not going there. Parker is one of Brody's best friends. He is funny, exciting, outgoing, and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. He’s everything… and he would never look twice at a band geek like me. Something about Parker has always seemed familiar to me, but I’ve never been able to put my finger on why.
“Hey, Birkley,” a voice says from behind me, making me jump. I look over and see Bailey, one of the cheerleaders. She's always been nothing but kind to me, even yelling at the other cheerleaders who pick on me, but I'm still wary. What if it’s a trick?
“Oh uh, hi,” I say, giving her an awkward wave before ducking my head and backing away. She starts to speak again, but I'm backing away too fast. Her face shows sadness, but I don’t understand it. Shouldn’t she be mad at me for trying to get away from her? I finally make it to my locker and open it, about to shove my books inside, when a note falls out. I bend and pick it up, opening and reading it.
Birkley,
I’ve wanted to ask you out for so long, but I’m too scared of you rejecting me. I like you a lot, and I think I’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask you out. Meet me in the band room before class starts.
I flip the note over and over. There’s no name, and it doesn’t make sense. Who could like me? My pulse starts to race. I’ve seen Parker look at me when I’m near Juju. He’s tried to talk to me once or twice, but I get too nervous and end up squeaking and running away. The note is short and sweet, not giving anything away. Is it too much to believe that maybe it’s Parker? Maybe he didn’t want to admit his feelings in front of all seven of his friend and their girlfriends. I smile at that thought, hoping and praying that one thing in my life will go right. If I had to go through everything to find someone who looks at me the same way Brody looks at Juju, Joey looks at Lexi, Landon looks at Ricky, Dean looks at Rissa, and Alec looks at Bailey… it would have all been worth it.
Could I be that lucky? I hurriedly finish at my locker and make my way down the hall toward the band room. I hear a banging noise behind me, but I can’t miss this. The school could be on fire, and I would still rush to get to the band room. I finally make it there and stop with my fingers on the handle, nerves getting the better of me.
What will I say? What will I do if he tries to kiss me? I’ve never so much as held a guy's hand before, much less anything else. I couldn’t even tell you the last time anyone’s shown me affection besides Juju, but even she isn’t big on showing her love with hugs. My parents have never hugged or kissed me, well, as far back as I can remember, at least. No need to go down that road right now, though. I don’t want dark thoughts ruining this moment. I force a smile on my face before I push the door open and step through. I swear I hear my name being called from the hallway, but I don’t care right now. Nothing can dim this moment.
“Aww, look, she actually came. She actually thinks someone in this school likes her,” Kim, one of the cheerleaders, says, coming out from around the corner. The rest of the cheerleaders follow behind her, laughing.
No, no, no, this can't be happening. It was all a cruel joke? Of course it was. How could I be so stupid? I should have seen this coming. I see multiple squeeze bottles of paint in their hands, and I know what’s coming next. There’s no way to stop it. I don’t even care at this point. They’ve finally got what they want. They broke me. They took a stupid, silly crush I’ve had on a guy ten lightyears out of my league and used it to lure me here. They’ve crushed everything in me.
So as they throw paint all over me, I stand there. I stand there with my head bowed as silent tears run down my face. I faintly hear the door crash open behind me, but I couldn’t care less who's coming to join in the torture.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HER?” I hear yelled from behind me, and then a huge figure stands in front of me, blocking out the rest of the paint before it can hit me. It's too late, though. I have no more strength, no more will. I let myself fall to the floor and curl in on myself. Hopefully, they will all just leave. Just leave me alone.
