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Of course, I expected him to have moved on, but I wasn't completely unaffected by the thought of him being with someone else. I wasn't sure if that meant something or not, but the silence stretched on until Dorian spoke.
“We weren’t together,” he murmured, and I kept staring at the boxes ahead. "She was the youngest on the team and human. Very few humans become hunters because they don't have the strength, speed, or agility like supernatural creatures. Only a few are capable of keeping up." He inhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling. "But still, she was torn to pieces."
He got up, his fists clenched, and the veins on his arms enlarged. I got up as well, watching while he paced back and forth.
“We don’t have to talk about this,” I said. “I shouldn’t have probed like that. I don’t want you to have to relive…”
“I relive everything every day, Marian,” he said, cutting me off. “I’d rather talk about it with you than anyone else. I’d rather talk to you than keep it all in because I just can't… I can't talk to anyone else.”
He shook his head, tears in his eyes. I didn't say anything else, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Dorian didn’t like showing his emotional side, so no wonder he refused to speak to Killian or anyone.
I was touched he was opening up to me, but even if this woman wasn't his partner, her death had really done a number on him. It hurt seeing him like this.
“We found an untamed nest,” he turned to the side. “The largest one in a while too, so there were a lot of newborns, freshly turned vamps, and she—she came across a young boy, a child." He rubbed at his forehead and chuckled.
"She was like you," he mumbled. "She was so much like you—kind, friendly, and so fucking good. She forced herself to see the good in people, just like you and I… I was drawn to her. I saw you in her like she was your younger sister, and she died on my watch."
When I moved to comfort him, he stepped back.
“I heard everything over our earpiece,” he tapped his ear as if it was still there. “I heard her screams, her skin tearing, her bones breaking. Those bastards ate her while doing things to her body.”
My eyes started burning with tears, and I closed them. I closed them to block the image, but that didn't stop them. Like blood, a metallic taste surfaced in my mouth, and I stepped back to lean on the wall.
“God,” I mumbled, my hand on my chest.
“The boy begged her not to kill him, and I told her to,” Dorian shook his head. “I told her child or not he was untamed, and this was our job, to do things others can't, but she wanted to help him. She said he's only a child and could learn to be tame if we took him with us.”
He growled, his dark eyes now a bright honey-color. "The nest was deep underground, and we were separated, eight of us. He told her he knew the way out, but instead, he led her to her death, and he was the first to attack her."
His eyes had gone cold, I noticed. As bright as they were, they were dead, and his face was expressionless, like he'd lost all feeling.
“The entire mission went sideways, others died with her, and only four of us made it out alive. I just couldn’t continue after. I couldn’t train another team when I’d just lost the people I’d had by my side for years. I couldn’t train another team and lead them to their deaths too.”
He shrugged. "So I gave up, threw in the rag, and retired. Good people died that day, a great woman and friend, and I can't stop seeing their faces, her face, and every time I think of her, I see you."
He gestured to the door, his teeth clenched. “Your friend,” he snarled, and I knew he was talking about Isaac. "He can't be trusted. No matter how they look or how human they seem or if they are tamed, they're all monsters."
"Dorian," I whispered, but I didn't get the chance to say anything else.
He held my hands, clasping them both in his hands.
"I don't want to see you get hurt, Marian," he whispered, his face inches away from mine. "I can't lose you too."
“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” I told him. “Dorian, I’m right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm so sorry about the things that happened to you and the people you cared about, but nothing will happen to me."
I pulled a hand from his grip and cupped his cheek. "I'm right here. Despite the things that happened, the things you've done, you saved lives. One mission went wrong, and I know you're hurt, I know, I can see it, but you did more good than anything else. I believe that."
I hugged him. This was the burden he was carrying; he was torturing himself with the guilt of the death of his team.
“I don’t see a man that failed,” I said against his chest. “I see a man that cared for his team and did his best to protect them. You gave your all, Dorian. You didn't throw in the towel, you had enough, and that's okay."
I pulled away.
“You earned retirement, alright? You earned the time to heal and be in the world you gave up so much to protect,” I pointed at myself. “Hello? Exhibit A.”
I laughed, and he laughed softly and pinched my chin.
“Exhibit A and the biggest mistake I made,” he replied, and I nodded in agreement.
We laughed until our laughter died, and Dorian's lips met mine. At first, I was shocked until I fell under a spell. My tense body relaxed in seconds, and Dorian’s hand slid down my chin to my neck and then down my shoulder.
I’d forgotten how it felt being held by him. I'd forgotten how perfectly I fitted in his arms. It was like coming home after being away for far too long.
His other hand curled around my back, and the voice in my head yelling no got quieter and quieter. When he growled and squeezed me a little too tight, making me wince, he released me and stepped back.
His eyes were wide, and his fangs elongated. “I’m sorry, Marian.”
He left, stepping around me before I could say anything. I was too stunned to speak and too stunned to move, so I stood there in shock with the feeling of his lips still lingering on mine.
What the hell just happened?
