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Chapter 14 - Marian
I'd expected Dorian to lose it when I told him I'd seen Isaac, but the photo Isaac took of me was lying on the kitchen island, and Dorian was leaning over it. For three minutes, he hadn't moved until I sat down and realized his eyes were glowing. He was livid.
“Dorian?” I covered his hand with mine, but he didn't answer.
He shook his head. He was disappointed in me, and it was crazy that I felt I’d feel less stupid if he was voicing his rage. This silent disappointment, it was like a thousand slashes.
“I left to get us food,” I said in defense of my stupidity. “I didn’t think this would happen.”
“I did,” he turned the picture over and tilted his head to look at me. “He could have hurt you.”
I didn't reply. I'd only make the situation worse by saying there were many people around, but it would sound like I was still defending Isaac. I just didn’t see Isaac pulling off abduction in broad daylight.
Although, he’d proved a point that even with people around, he could get close to me. Of course, no one outside the pack knew what was going on with him, so they might have seen us together and wouldn't have been aware I was in danger. To everyone, we were best buds. Furthermore, Killian wanted the situation handled quietly, so people didn't panic about a vampire running loose in town. So instead of causing a panic, Killian had wolves patrolling the entire town at night.
Right now, I understood Dorian’s anger towards the situation and me because I was still frightened and holding back shivers, but while he'd been busy trying to protect me, I delivered myself to Isaac.
The fear I’d felt when Dorian revealed everything to me a week ago had dissipated a little with the passing days, but after today, I was petrified more than before. Seeing Isaac again, realizing that this was really happening, there was no room to think otherwise, that perhaps Isaac was innocent and he'd show up looking like himself and confused about what was happening.
“I’m sorry,” I released his hand to rest both elbows on the island. Placing my forehead on my wrists, I closed my eyes and sighed. “I got comfortable thinking it was okay being out and about in Wolfcreek. I've felt more than welcome here with you this past week. It's almost like old times, but I'm scared, Dorian, and I didn't want to admit it. I wanted a moment of normalcy as if none of this is happening."
I turned to him. “To be completely honest, in the beginning, when you clearly had issues with my friendship with Isaac, I’d meant what I said about picking the people I wanted in my life and wanting Isaac as a friend, but I also wanted to piss you off.”
He took my hands into his and sat down. I couldn’t even see my fingers covered by his large hands.
“I’d wanted to make you jealous. You were back, and everything was thrown off for me, and I just needed a little control back.” I smiled sadly. “But Isaac and I got to talking, and I learned what it’s like being a vampire, living for centuries, the wisdom he’s gained, the control and kindness he possesses although a predator by nature, he seemed like a good man, a man who appreciates and understands the world and people.”
“Now I just feel stupid.” I pulled away. “My need to be kind, stubborn, and petty hasn’t only put my life at risk but everyone else’s in town. I did this.”
“No,” Dorian countered firmly. “Don’t put this on yourself. I'm in the wrong for making you feel bad about being a good woman and a kind person, someone who still wants to see the good in the world and contribute to it.”
“You’re not wrong for being a friend to Isaac when everyone else scorned him and kept their distance, me included. You’re not wrong for trusting others. People are wrong for betraying that trust.”
I got the distinct feeling he was also talking about us and what he did. Did protecting me now like he had in the past count as him making up for what happened? I felt it was. Right now, I owed him my life, twice over matter-of-fact, and this time I was in danger of my own doing.
What if I'd been at home, unprotected, and Isaac broke in?
Dorian opened his home to me, although I kept him at arm's length. I wanted to explore a future with him but was still holding onto the past, dragging this out when I knew who he was at his core, a good man.
"I forgive you," I told him, and judging by his reaction, I'd shocked him.
Dorian went utterly still, sadness and relief clouding his eyes. He deserved to hear those words. I'd spent years being broken, angry, vengeful, bitter, and then contented being alone, but he'd brought me immense happiness before all those negative feelings.
I’d felt those things without knowing why he left me but now, I couldn’t feel anything other than love for him. He’d let me go for me to become the woman I am now, a woman who focused on herself and achieved everything she wanted.
He was there even when I didn't know it, I thought, while recalling his story of being at my college while I was there. Now here we were, years later, and he was giving his all to protect me again.
I got up and hugged him, squeezing him as tight as possible. He held me close, his face buried in the crook of my neck, and we both took a breath and released it simultaneously.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I said, and he nodded.
Upstairs I undressed and got in the shower, moving stiffly as I did so. Despite Dorian’s comforting words that I shouldn’t feel bad, all I could think of was if maybe, just maybe, I’d led Isaac on.
Although I'd wanted Dorian to be jealous, I made sure to make things clear to Isaac that we were just friends but was I too late in doing so?
Of course, the night I bumped into Isaac, I'd reacted to him. He was a beautiful man, and there was a brief moment of chemistry, but then Dorian appeared, and I learned that I didn't have romantic feelings for Isaac the more we ran into each other.
I only hoped, wherever he was right now, he’d hold on and not hurt anyone, or Dorian would hurt him.
