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Three-quarters of the way through, it rattles to a stop. Pushing the button again makes a horrible grinding sound. “Piece of junk.” I gripe. “Now we have to drive around like this.”
The VW creaks and sways and I realize Victor is climbing onto the back.
“Hey—Jesus Christ.” I grab my head in both hands as he jumps on the half-folded roof. He stands on top of it and stomps on the arms holding it on either side. With a few ungodly snapping noises, it crumples up like a run-over umbrella. Satisfied, he vaults into the passenger seat and looks at me expectantly, resting his chin on the top of the door.
“Let’s go.”
“I can’t believe you,” I complain, climbing in and yanking my seatbelt into place.
He puts on my sunglasses and stretches his arms straight up, wiggling his fingers in the fresh air as I pull out of the car park. “It’s not like I was going to keep this thing once we got back.”
“I would say that’s the most privileged sentence you’ve ever uttered, but I’m confident that’s not true.”
Scrunching down in his seat, he props his legs on the dashboard and opens the atlas I gave him to navigate. “I don’t keep track.”
I almost wreck the car watching him as he hunts through the maps and runs his finger across the page, trying to find where we are. His thick eyebrows are pulled together in concentration above his glasses, his lips soft as he mouths road names to himself, hair whipping in the breeze. He looks like a character in one of those coming-of-age movies about summer and puppy love.
Victor
Once we have a direction, I flip through the radio stations. All the music is sad, ballads and opera, and I switch it off again. We’re winding through hills now, climbing higher until we can see wide, smoky views of the countryside. I want to stop and look, but I’m scared that if we stop I’ll never have the courage to start again.
I’m entertaining myself by pulling pages out of the atlas and trying to fit them together, like a puzzle, when Ethan hits the brakes. Two reddish-brown does are standing on the road, looking at us with their ears all alert. I put my feet down and get up on my knees on the seat, looking over the windshield at them.
They start to cross with dainty little steps. “Shit,” I breathe when a perfect baby fawn comes out of the grass after them, kind of wobbly and scared but trusting. I look down at Ethan. “You see that?”
He nods. His enthralled face makes it obvious that he’s crazy about animals.
“Follow your mommies,” I call to the fawn when it hesitates, confused. Ethan’s hand brushes the back of my leg.
“I don’t think that’s—”
“Shhh. They’re a lesbian couple taking their new baby for a walk. Don’t be an asshole.”
He smiles, even though he’s trying not to.
When everyone’s crossed the road safely, we start moving again. “You know,” Ethan says, glancing at me. “I love animals. I always wanted to be a vet.”
Crossing my legs, I study the side of his face. “You said you didn’t know what you wanted.”
“It’s been six years since I had to drop out of school to take care of my mom. I forget about it sometimes.”
“So what, you wanna be like a horse vet or one of those neighborhood clinics?” He looks surprised that I’m interested. I guess I just want to be able to close my eyes when I can’t sleep and imagine exactly what he’s doing.
“I would have a clinic that works mostly with animal shelters, rescues, people that rehabilitate strays.”
“That doesn’t sound profitable at all.”
He laughs. “Shut up. I know.” After a pause, he clears his throat. “What about you? If I could think of something, surely you can, too.”
“I—” I close my eyes, rub my face. Being honest makes my nose itch. “I wanted to swim in an Olympic pool. A real one. I never got to.”
“Oh.”
I can read his mind.If you wanted it so much, why did you throw it away?
“Does that mean you’re going to try and qualify again?”
I bark a laugh. “No way. It’s over.”
