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Apparently this is the high I’ve been chasing my whole life.
Something warm hits my chest, my chin, and I realize it’s my own cum spurting all over me, but it almost doesn’t matter because Gray’s hips stutter and he unloads inside me with an animal groan, claiming me with a surge of heat that fills the deepest part of me.Mine.
I wrap my legs around his waist and hold him inside me for as long as possible as he slowly collapses, wheezing into my shoulder. “Did I hurt you?” he mumbles finally.
“Exactly like I wanted.”
He eyes my smirk, then buries his face in the comforter and coughs out an exhausted laugh. “You’re terrifying.”
Reluctantly, I let him slip out of me and roll onto his back, drenched in sweat and smeared with my cum. Flipping over, enjoying the ache and drip in my stretched hole, I kiss his belly button, then his thigh, then the soft skin just next to his messy cock. He stirs his hips with a protesting sound. When I flick my tongue up the bottom of his shaft, he grabs my head, holding it still. “My God. Have mercy on those of us who haven’t retained the stamina of our mid-twenties.”
“I’m just cleaning up this big mess you made.” I tug out of his grip and lap up his length in short licks. “Also you don’t get to fuck like that and then pretend you’re old.” He just wraps his arms around his head and groans.
Once I’ve carefully cleaned off all the lube and salty cum, I kiss his slit and move down to his balls and his breathing starts to go funny again. “This is going to take a long time,” he croaks. “I’m not a porn star.”
“Good.” I cup his gorgeous shaft in my hand. “I’ll get plenty of practice.” Sliding the head into my mouth, I suckle at it lazily, loving the way it thickens up again on my tongue.
After a while, his hand comes to rest on my lower back, then slides down to my ass. I can feel his fingers spreading me, rubbing and toying until I squirm. He works his hand under my body and strokes my cock with slow, tender pulls. After what might be the happiest forty-five minutes of my life, he gasps and shudders, filling my mouth with cum. At the fierce taste of it, the drip of it down my chin, I whimper and spill into his fingers.
Then I bury my face in his stomach and just lie there, wishing I never had to move again. When he feels me shiver in the night chill, he sits up and runs his hands down my back. “Come on, sweetheart. Stand up.”
I whine, half-asleep, but he drags me to my feet and herds me toward the bathroom. “It hurts,” I complain. Not just my ass. All of me. My dick, my back, my mouth. Raw and used.
He leans me against the wall of the shower, turning on the hot water, and carefully licks his cum off my lips and chin. “It’s going to hurt more tomorrow.”
“Good.”
He breathes a laugh against my ear. “Not everything is a competition.”
“It is. And I fucking won.”
“You did.” Pulling me against him, he rubs soap down my crack, between my legs, and up around my soft cock. “No one can beat you.”
Once I’m clean, he drapes a fluffy towel over my head and steps back under the water to wash himself. I crawl into the half of the bed we didn’t destroy and fight to stay awake until he comes back.
Gray
I sit on the corner of the mattress and watch him sleep for a long time. My worst enemy, the thing that eludes me night after miserable night, welcomes him like a dear friend. Just as I get to the doorway, he calls my name, voice clumsy with sleep.
“Get some rest, Jonah. I’m just going to the study for a little while.”
He stirs under the covers and sits up, his shape barely visible in the dark. “No, no. You’re going to come to bed and sleep with me.”
There’s a weight pressing down on my lungs. This is the part I was so afraid of. You fly, and then you fall, because you were never made to leave the earth at all. “I can’t,” I breathe.
“Baby,” he sighs, even though he’s not supposed to call me that. “Come here.”
And what else can I do, because this is Jonah and there isn’t a world where I can say no to him. He lies down on his back and lets me rest my head on his chest, looping his arm under me and stroking his thumb up and down my shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs. “And there’s nothing I want from you. You’re perfect.”
I don’t understand. He’s only heard a few sentences about my past, but he knows exactly what I need to hear.
Perhaps we build shelter for each other out of the wreckage of all the things we most wanted someone to tell us.
“Thank you.” I reach out and cup the stump of his arm, squeeze it gently. “But I won’t be able to sleep.”
“Tonight I promise I’ll stay awake until you drift off.” I can feel his body struggling to become alert.
“You won’t, but that's alright.”
Sliding out from under me, he wraps his hand around mine and pulls it into his chest, squeezing my palm tightly. “You won’t feel me let go before you’re asleep.”
To my surprise, he’s right.
I used to record my dreams, until I realized they were only nonsense and regrets.
This time I dream that when I die, before I disappear, I’m taken very high up in the air. I get to see my whole life laid out beneath me, all at once. And I realize, suddenly, that it all made sense in the end.
