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“I never said that,” I said, managing to get a word in edgewise. “Really? Then why are you judging me?” Russ demanded. “I’m not judging you, and I’m not snooping. I was just interested,” I said, trying to keep it together, knowing he was just stressed because of his sister.
“I don’t need your interest, and I don’t need your pity,” Russ shouted, going completely off the rails. “I can do it all on my own.” I stepped back, making sure Drew was behind me. “I understand how you raising your daughter is your business. I just wanted to take the kids to school,” I said, still trying to reason with him.
Russ frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m not sure that is a good idea. I don’t want Carly to get the wrong idea, and it wasn’t part of the original deal. You wanted a fake fiancé. Not a fake family.”
It stung, but I didn’t say anything. I had a gut feeling that he was speaking out of anger and decided to leave. I got Drew back down to the car before he had a chance to see Carly. Not that he didn’t ask about her all the way down. It was the longest elevator ride of my life. The questions were still nagging me when I got to work. It was clear that I needed to get another opinion. Checking the time to make sure she wasn’t on break, I called Vicky, figuring she would give me the truth. No matter how much it might hurt. “I need your help,” I blurted, as soon as she was through my office door. “Oh dear, I assume this has nothing to do with copying affidavits,” Vicky said, sliding into the chair in front of my desk.
“Good guess,” I said, trying to be light, and it not quite carrying off. “Is Drew okay?” my sister-in-law asked. “Oh, yeah, he’s fine. He even made a friend!” “Well, that’s wonderful!” Vicky said.
“She is Russ’s daughter,” I added, putting a bit of an edge on the words. “He has a daughter? Wow, that sounds complicated,” Vicky said. “And Russ and I are getting more involved. I was going to take Carly to school today so he could get to the hospital and see his sister, but he changed his mind when he found me looking through his bookshelf full of parenting books,” I explained, it all tumbling out at once. “This is a predicament,” Vicky said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “Any ideas what is going on?” I asked, trying not to sound desperate. “It seems pretty obvious to me,” Vicky said sagely. “What does?”
“You’re into him. Almost every time I’ve come in here the past couple of days you have been telling someone about your hot fiancé. I know that is the idea. To look good and make others just a little bit jealous but that wasn’t how it sounded to me. I know love when I hear it. Not sure why you are still pretending.” I knew she was right and there was no point in denying it. I had fallen for Russ, and while he was still acting as my fake fiancé, I wanted so much more. I wanted a relationship, if not a marriage, our kids the best of friends with nothing to change that.
I sighed. “To protect against heartache. Like if I pretended that it was all fake, nothing could really go wrong. I always give my all to the men I love, and they always leave in the end,” I said, feeling the heat returning to my cheeks.
“Do you think Russ is just another man?” Vicky asked.
No. In my heart, I knew that he wasn’t like the guys I had loved before. The ones who had left eventually. Russ was something else. And it scared me even more.
Chapter Sixteen
Russ
It could be funny the habits you picked up. The things that you did no matter what else might be going on. In my case, it was work. Even with a sister in the hospital and a rocky relationship with a founding partner of my firm, someone who literally had her name on the building, I worked. It went beyond the need for money. I had expenses, there was no doubt about that, but it was still mostly a cover. I had defined myself by my work ethic for so long, without it, I didn’t really know who I was anymore. I convinced the paralegals to give me what they had already found, using my wit and charm to convince them that it would be fine with the partners. I was sure I looked more than a little odd sitting next to Kim’s hospital bed, legal briefs piled by my feet, but I had given up caring what other people thought of me in high school.
