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“I won’t. I mean, I will do my utmost.”
Maman softened, stood, and patted Nic’s cheek. “I know you will. If anyone can pull this off, you can, my brilliant daughter.”
“Maman!” Nic rose, too, clutching her mother’s sleeve. “Come with me. You could help me when the baby comes. You can get away from all of this, too.”
Maman’s eyes filled with unshed tears. Never once had Nic seen her mother actually weep. “It’s too late for me,” she said softly. “These wizards, they get their hooks in you. Once, I thought I’d do as you are doing. In fact, I crafted an excellent escape plan.” Her expression hardened and turned proud. “It’s a good plan. Clever, solid. And not a waste, it turns out, as you’re going to use it. I couldn’t put it together so fast otherwise.”
“You… thought to escape… Papa?” Nic’s mind stuttered at putting that together, far more than it should have. Too many shocks in the bare space of an hour.
Maman’s mouth twisted, her expression ugly for a flash. “Who else? When he arrived to bed me, I prayed his seed wouldn’t take. I knew within moments of meeting him how it would be with him. That my life, my self, my mind—my very will—would never be wholly my own again.”
“You never said.”
“No, a mother doesn’t share such things with her child, not about her beloved papa.” Maman looked around the chamber, her gaze focused on distant memories. “You understand now, though, how they overwhelm you. Your papa isn’t a bad man. But he is a wizard of the Convocation. The predator desires the prey—he can’t have any mercy in his heart for it.”
Nic had known Maman wasn’t a happy person, that the melancholy made her subject to spells of ill health. Now a terrible guilt crept over her that she hadn’t fully realized the reasons. Her throat dry, she asked, “If you knew how it would be, and you had a plan for escape, why didn’t you go?”
Maman focused on her again, mouth turning down unhappily. “It was too late. I already loved him. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t tear myself away, even to save myself.”
“Then youdolove him!”
Maman blinked at her. “Of course I do. That’s entirely the problem. I wouldn’t give him so much of myself if I didn’t love him with all my being. If I’d been smart, I would’ve run anyway. Then it was too late. Too late then, far too late now.”
Oh.Nic turned that over in her mind, examined the traitorous desire in her heart to see Gabriel again.Lord Phel, she corrected herself firmly. Was it all Fascination? It would be easier to sort out if she hadn’t liked him. If only he hadn’t been kind to her, seeming to care about whether she ate and making certain she experienced pleasure in his arms. Of course, she knew it had all been a seduction. That was the entire purpose, wasn’t it?
She should never have kissed him. That had been her worst mistake, one that led to all the others, a cascade of catastrophe. Much as she burned to escape, a traitorous part of her longed to see him, just once more—and grieved at how hurt and betrayed he’d be.
Maman was watching her with shrewd eyes. “Is it too late for you, too?” she asked softly.
“No,” Nic replied immediately, making it be true. She was an Elal, and she could control this, if only this. If she had to chew off her own paw to escape this trap, she would. She would be stronger and smarter than Phel. She’d elude him, and eventually he’d grow weary of the chase and find another familiar. “But I’ll miss you…” And all of her family, her home, and friends. Everything.
Maman shook her head in doubt. “This will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you must determine to eschew all tender feelings—for me, for your papa, your brother and sister, for all your friends I know you’ve missed and hoped to see again, for your life here. But you must especially banish any sentiment for Lord Phel.”
Nic nodded. Never see any of them again. Gabriel would be so thrilled about winning his gamble—and blazingly angry when he learned of her defection.
“Unless youwantto marry him?” Maman asked. “It’s the easier path by far. You’ll be congratulated, celebrated. The bonding will reconcile your mind to being his. You might enjoy that life. Many familiars do. It is our nature to be bonded to a wizard. You may find that you feel… incomplete without that.”
So the stories said. Lyndella had pined for Sylus when they were separated, only made whole when he claimed her.
“I’m mostly worried about being lonely,” Nic confessed.
Maman smiled with affection, laying a hand on Nic’s cheek. “But you won’t be alone. You’ll have your child. I can tell you with perfect honesty that you, Alise, and Nander—you are my joy. I wanted that for you, and now you’ll have it. It might be enough for you. You could marry Lord Phel, find satisfaction in being his familiar and mother of his children.”
Tempting. Far too tempting. “But I won’t have freedom. Lord Phel is young, and a wizard of his power will be long lived. Barring extraordinary events, I would never be a widow. I’d never think for myself again.”
“I wish I could tell you otherwise.” Maman stared at the fire in wistful contemplation, then she straightened and gave Nic an encouraging smile. “You have time, though, to make your final decision. We’ll proceed as if the wedding will happen. You will throw yourself into convincing everyone that you’re deliriously happy. I’ll handle the escape plan. If you choose not to use it, then there’s no harm, no foul. You need think of nothing else but your wedding plans.”
And making the most difficult decision of her young life.
~6~
“Oh, Papa,” Nicbreathed. “It’s gorgeous! You shouldn’t have.”
Papa cleared his throat, looking misty eyed. Like Lord Phel, he had the black eyes all wizards acquired through magic working, but sprays of laugh lines softened his. With the bushy brows and duskier skin framing them, too, the black of his eyes blended more, not standing out in stark contrast as with Lord Phel’s silver shades. With a mental shake, she banished the thought of him.Don’t picture him. Don’t wonder how close he is. Don’t imagine him riding through the blizzard, flushed with triumph, eager to claim you and—
“Of course I should have,” Papa said, thankfully breaking into her thoughts. “My first daughter, getting married. And after only four trials.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m so proud of you, kitten.”
Nic beamed back at him, wishing in the back of her mind that he’d be proud of her for more than her easy fertility—and moved at the same time. Papa was never lavish with praise, so she soaked up the moment. Especially knowing what he’d say, what he’d think of her, when he found her gone.
