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“You can’t trust her. She’ll hurt you. You aren’t good enough.”
I landed a fist against the side of my head, trying so damn hard to silence the incessant noise.
I loved Luna. But that love went further than just some feelings. I could feel her all throughout me. It had been why I stopped sleeping with the random women. But I still never made a move. Not until recently. Not until she got under my skin and burrowed herself there. It was where she belonged.
What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be what she needed. I couldn’t prove that we were meant to be together and that I was good enough for her. I couldn’t because I wasn’t.
Gripping the steering wheel, I pressed my foot harder against the gas. I needed a drink. And lots of them. And pussy. But I couldn’t have pussy because the one I did have, I shoved away.
Years ago, I would have called up an old fling, fucked them, and been on my way. But this wasn’t years ago. This was now. And I fucked up. I used the excuse that it was Stone who started all of this shit, but I realized then that he was only a part of the problem. I pushed away the one good thing in my life all because I was scared. To open up. To let Luna in. Even though we were close, I still hadn’t let her into my heart completely.
“Fuck,” I bellowed, slamming my fist against the steering wheel again.
Driving to the city, I didn’t stop until I pulled down a street. I shouldn’t be here. I should be with Luna. In her arms. Touching her. Holding her. Giving her everything I could and taking from her what I needed, just the same. But I wasn’t. Instead, I parked in front of a house. I was given this address when I thought Luna and I would go on a double date with a friend. A friend. Fucking please. I couldn’t be friends with a woman and not fuck them. Luna was proof of that. But I never fucked the other girls. I raked a hand through my hair, scrubbing it down my face. Inner turmoil rushed through me. I was confused, my mind all over the damn place. I should go home. I should drive past this house and be on my merry way. But I didn’t.
My phone rang but I ignored it. I didn’t give a shit who it was. Maybe it was Luna. Maybe it was my parents. Maybe she had called them and told them what happened. They could be checking on me. Making sure I didn’t react first and do something stupid.
“Promise me, you’ll come to us first. Promise, Zach.”
I made that promise but I never intended to keep it.
I never deserved Luna. She could do so much better. Her father said it himself. Well now it was my chance to prove him right.
Stepping out of the car, I took a breath and then another before I made my way up the narrow driveway.
Once I stood on the front step, I lifted my hand to knock when the door opened.
“Hey.” Bright blue eyes met mine. “I saw you pull up. Is everything okay?”
I shouldn’t be here. I knew that but yet, I didn’t listen to myself.
When the reason I had come over in the first place, stared up at me, I forced everything to the side. I ignored the feelings rushing through me.
Guilt. Pain. Regret.
So much damn regret and I hadn’t even done anything yet.
“Zach?” Clara frowned. “What’s going on?”
Before she had a chance to ask any more questions, I pushed her inside, kicked the door closed, and crushed my mouth to hers.
Zach
I SWALLOWED CLARA’S GASPand ignored the fact that it wasn’t Luna I was kissing. That it wasn’t her dark hair I had my hands wrapped in. That it wasn’t her slender but curvy body I was pressed up against. That it wasn’t her mouth I was diving deep inside.
As much as I wanted to fuck away my feelings, as much as I needed to get Luna out of my head, my body didn’t react. My cock was limp as it pressed between me and Clara. A growl escaped me. Tightening my hold on her hair, I tugged her head farther back, forcing my body to do something. Anything. But I got nothing.
“Zach,” Clara said against my mouth. She tried shoving me but my hold on her was too tight.
I pushed her up against the wall, grinding into her but again, my cock did nothing.
Clara broke the kiss, shoving me back. “What the hell?” Her cheeks weren’t flushed like I had just kissed the hell out of her. No lust hid in her dark eyes. Her chest didn’t rise and fall with ragged breaths like Luna’s always did. Her lips were swollen from my greedy kiss but that was it. “Zach, tell me.”
“I think you know.” I took a step toward her, my stomach churning.
She lifted her hand, stopping me. “Enough,” she said, her voice firm. “You don’t want this. Hell, neither do I.”
“Clara,” I bit out through clenched teeth. Bile rose to my throat, my stomach lurching. Hightailing it to the kitchen, I threw up in the sink. My stomach heaved.
