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“As good as can be expected,” he said, his voice low.
“Your nightmares.” Every time he came to me during the night, I could feel his heart racing when he curled up against me.
Tanner released me and sat up, leaning against the headboard. He ran a hand over his head, through his hair to the back of his neck. He was nervous. He didn’t want to tell me, but I could see the weight of his demons resting on his shoulders. We had become closer. I loved him and I knew that he loved me, but we still had so much to learn about each other. He always looked for me, making sure I was close or better yet, at his side. There was something between us that both of us needed.
While I came from a good childhood and had a family who loved me endlessly, something had always been missing. Until I met Tanner, I didn’t know what that was. Now that I did, I wasn’t letting it go. No matter the cost.
“Hey.” I sat beside him, took his hand in mine, and placed a soft peck on his shoulder.
“After my mom died, I went to live with my aunt and uncle. Even though they were technically family, they were far from it. It was fine at first. They yelled a bit. But I was a kid and I had lost my mom. My dad didn’t want me. So I got into trouble. A lot. When I got older, around fifteen or so, that’s when the shit really started happening.” He blew out a shaky breath.
I squeezed his hand, trying with everything I could to give him all the courage he needed to let it out.
Tanner looked at me then. “He raped me, Busy. Repeatedly.”
***
(Tanner)
Telling Busy what had happened to me, brought me back to that dark time in my childhood. A time that no child should ever have to go through. Even though I had been fifteen when it started, I was still a boy.
I could see the anguish in Busy’s gaze but what I expected to see that wasn’t there, threw me off.
Pity.
Everyone pitied but she didn’t. Empathized, sure. But not pity.
“Tanner,” she whispered, her voice cracking.
“He would come to me at night,” I told her. “It hurt at first. He was a big guy and I was tiny for my age.” I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I…I eventually expected it. Waited for it. I fucking craved it. I wasn’t wanted. My mom died. My dad tossed me aside like trash. My aunt didn’t care what happened to me. She only took me in to make herself look good. My uncle?” I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Tanner, what happened wasn’t right.”
“I know.” I looked at Busy then.
Concern was etched all over her beautiful face.
I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb along her bottom lip. “It’s funny ’cause he wasn’t even gay. He had whores on the side. My aunt knew but she never said anything. You want to know what she did say though? She found out that her husband was fucking a kid and get this shit, she was jealous.”
Busy gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. “What? You were just a boy.”
“Yup. And she blamed me for all of it.”
“God, baby.” Busy’s chin wobbled, her eyes welling. She grabbed my hand, holding it tight in both of hers.
“I trusted them to take care of me. My mom trusted them. Her fucking sister and brother in-law. I should have been thrown in the system. It probably would have been better.” I pulled away from her and slid off the bed, needing to move. I needed to hit something or go for a run.
“What happened after that?” Busy asked, her voice small.
“I knew it was wrong. What he was doing. But it eventually got to the point where I craved it.” I waited, expecting to see Busy’s face morph into disgust and when it didn’t, I let out a sigh of relief. “I can’t explain it. Maybe I’ll never be able to. But I was desperate for attention. I was willing to get it from anywhere.”
Busy stood from the bed and came toward me. She placed her hands on my chest, looking up at me. “So you were willing to do anything to get it?”
I nodded. “Not at first though. It wasn’t consensual in the least in the beginning but…after a while…it’s like I had Stockholm Syndrome or some shit.” I rubbed the back of my neck.
“God, Tanner.” She shook her head. “I can’t imagine what you went through. Did he ever get caught?”
My stomach twisted.
