Page 15 of Misbehaving


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“Like my penis. I mean, cock. What word does the book use?”

“All of them. Your penis/cock/dick/staff of manhood is fantastic. Very good size and super sexy. It’s not even inside me yet, and I give it five bees.”

“I have a five-bee penis?”

Bea always rated her sex toys on a one-to-five-bees scale. The more bees the better.

“For aesthetics,” she said. “We’ll have to try it out to see how it works.”

“It works. I promise, it works.”

“Good. Let’s start with chapter two. It goes through some modifications of missionary position. Sit. Read. I’ll get the lube and condoms.”

“Lube?”

“Yes, lube. I’m wet but a little extra wetness never hurts. We’re going to have a lot of sex this week. I don’t want either of us getting chafed.”

“True, true. I lub lube. I mean, love.” He sat down, openedTHE MANUALto the page Bea had marked with a pink Post-it note.Modified Missionary OR This Ain’t Your Grandma’s Wedding Night,it read. He sighed. “We may need to deduct a bee for the mention of my grandmother.”

“Good point.” Beatriz scribbled a note on a piece of paper that lay by the bed.

“You actually wrote that down?”

“Sure,” she said. “This is a book for partners. It has to work for both partners. I thought it was cute, but you thought referring to your grandmother’s sex life was…”

“Unnerving,” he said.

Beatriz wrote the word down. He kept reading.

Missionary position gets its name from the fact that missionaries in foreign lands would instruct the natives that the only God-sanctioned position for sexual intercourse was with the woman on her back and the man facing her on top. No wonder missionaries were often slaughtered by the natives.

Ben chuckled. “Okay, I’m giving it the bee back.”

“Keep reading,” Beatriz said as she sat on the bed and opened her legs. She flipped a bottle of lube open and applied a thin coating to her inner lips and inside her vagina. Ben stopped reading. He also stopped breathing.

“I can’t read while you’re doing that. Your vagina has rendered me illiterate.”

Beatriz rolled her eyes, wiped her hands on a tissue and grabbed the book from him.

“It says,” she said as she lay on the bed, her head propped up on two pillows, “that one of the more popular versions of modified missionary position is the butterfly. So we should try that one.”

“A bee doing a butterfly? Is that even legal?”

“I’m sure it’s legal. But it might be dangerous. At least for the butterfly.” Beatriz turned a page in the book. “It says I lay on my back and you stand for this one. You can either hold me up by my ass or we can put pillows under my hips to raise them.”

“Let’s go for the pillows.”

“You think I’m too heavy to lift?” she asked with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“No, I just want my hands free to play with your boobs.”

“Good point. This position is supposed to help the man ‘give the clit the attention it deserves.’ That’s me quoting the book, by the way.”

“I like this book. It’s nice and friendly and tells me to touch your clit. I appreciate that.”

“So does my clit. Ready?”

Ben glanced down. He was more than ready.

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