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He gritted his teeth. There was no point in dredging up that part of his past. Some things were better left unspoken. “Sonia…”
“Tell me the truth. I know you never tolerated Lukka. You could have beaten him easily if you wanted to. The fact that you haven’t… It’s like you’repunishingyourself. Staying away not out of apathy, but masochism. It hurts you more to be out here, alone. Youwantit to hurt—”
“Lukka may be a bastard, but if you don’t hate me after all this time, then even that bastard has kept his word,” Bill countered. “He never revealed the truth.”
Sonia eyed him warily, her brows furrowing. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s no mystery why Emma was killed. She died because I failed her. The same way I’ve failed you, the pack, and Loren.”
“Is that why you were so desperate for her to be taken in?” Sonia said with an accusatory tone in her voice. “You think you’re not worthy of helping her yourself.”
“It would have been best for everyone,” he muttered, ignoring the part of him that scoffed at that. “What’s happened otherwise? I killed on enemy territory. I turned a human—”
Sonia flinched, but he could tell from the way she clenched her jaw that she knew he was right.
“I deserve my judgment. Always have.”
“Emma was killed by hunters, wasn’t she? How is that your fault?”
“I should have been there, and I wasn’t.”
There was more. More that Sonia wasn’t ready to learn, and he wasn’t willing to say.
Still, she wouldn’t go down without a fight. “Running away hasn’t helped solve anything, but you know what might? Facing your problems and demanding what is your right. You want time to train Loren? I can buy you some time, but in return, you promise me something.”
“What?”
“You let me feel out support for you among the pack. If I can prove that it’s there, that there are some of us who will stand by you, will you take that into consideration when you make your challenge?”
“Youdon’t count.”
“Enough to field a true challenge, then,” Sonia said. “You take him on with the backing of others in the pack with the intention to become Alpha should you win. No running away. No more self-doubt. You lead us the way you were always meant to.”
“And if I fail?” An outcome that even he could admit was a possibility. “You’ll suffer the consequences. That would be treason. I can’t let you take that on for me.”
“And what do you think it’s been like all this time? Not easy. Not one damn bit. Promise me that much, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“And in the meantime, Lukka will just let me frolic in peace?”
“I can give you time at least,” Sonia said. “Enough to train your ragtag pack to survive on their own, anyway. And to prepare Loren for whatever happens next. Plenty of time to transition her properly and avoid causing her any more trauma or pain.”
“While you play politics,” he countered. “Do you even understand the risk you’ll be taking? Lukka probably has you under a microscope already.”
“Don’t worry about me. I can handle him.”
“Fine. Do what you want, but I can assure you that nothing will come from it.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Sonia said, jutting her chin. “While you’ve been off playing rogue, I’ve come up with a few tricks of my own. You’re not the only one who’s had to learn to survive. You’ve always had your brawn, but I have some skills, too.”
“I’m sorry.” He nodded in deference. “You’re right… You know, Lukas always said that leadership was mostly bravado—”
“But human nature was mostly politics,” Sonia finished for him. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about him since… Not for a very long time.”
She was right. After his death, Lukas had been regulated to the same part of his mind where Emma dwelled—a cache of memories he rarely revisited, his strained relationship with Kyle included. What triggered him to do so now? Loren? Perhaps.
“He would know how to handle this,” he admitted. A wave of guilt slammed into him and nearly took him off his feet.
Sonia reached out, placing her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know why you always seemed so determined to place yourself in his shadow. You are not him. Remember when we were kids? We would play for hours, all of us together. You and Kyle dominated any game requiring physical strength like wrestling or tag.”
