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The truth is I need him too.
I need him to prove to me that there are good guys out there. I need him to help me believe that I’m enough. I needhim. Simple as that.
I tuck my insecurities away, knowing I’ll need to work harder at getting them under control with my therapist, but not wanting them to ruin anything more tonight.
And I choose to believe him.
26
The cashier hands me a plastic bag with my purchase inside with shaky hands, her eyes still wide and a giddy smile on her face. I throw her a grin, slide my sunglasses on, and walk out of the store already knowing she’s going to be bragging to all her friends that she sold Trent Bridger a sex toy.
It comes with the territory, although I can’t say I’ve ever bought a sex toy for a partner before. But Becka is having doubts. I’ve known her a long time, which means I can read her better than her past boyfriends, even if we’ve only been together officially for a week.
I need Becka to trust me in a way she’s never trusted anyone else. I need her unrestrained passion, her soft open eyes. I need her to believe me when I say I’m not going anywhere, not mentally or emotionally anyway. I’ll have to go on tour again after we release our next album, which we’re already working on. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon her.
I don’t know if it’s our years of friendship that came before our first kiss, or the years of friendship after that have led to her quickly owning my heart. One week with her and I’m already addicted. Her laugh, her ridiculously corny jokes, even the way she gets completely irrational when she’s hungry—all of it endears her to me even more.
But I think it’s the way she looks at me that’s really enthralled me. When she looks at me, she doesn’t see the rock star. Her eyes don’t get that starry-eyed, can’t-believe-I’m-standing-before-someone-famous look. No, when Becka looks at me, her jade-green eyes get soft, and the corners of her lips lift in the gentlest of smiles. My heart pounds furiously in my chest, and determination fills my soul with the knowledge that I can’t lose this woman.
But she’s still cautious. There’s still a part of her that she’s holding back, and I know today’s lesson—for lack of a better word—won’t totally wipe that away, but I’m hoping it’s a step in the right direction.
I knock on her front door, feeling an unhealthy mix of eagerness and terror. There’s a very real possibility she could attempt to castrate me for this idea. But I’m willing to risk it because if she says yes, the reward will be worth it.
Oh so worth it.
She opens the door, and instantly her face lights up. My heart drums in my chest, and I swear I’m going to memorize the rhythm and turn it into a song just for her.
“Hey, this is a nice surprise,” she says.
“I had an idea.”
Becka quirks her head and gets an amused expression on her face. “Did it hurt?”
God, she’s such a smart-ass sometimes. I fucking love it. “Hardy har har. Let me in and I’ll tell you what my brilliant idea was.” At least, I hope she thinks it’s brilliant.
She opens her door wider, but only moves aside slightly, so I have to press my body against hers on my way inside. I can’t resist leaning down, gently pushing her against the wall, and kissing her hard until we’re both breathless. Then I walk to her living room, discreetly adjusting myself while pretending that I’m not ridiculously affected by her presence.
“So, what was this idea you had?” she asks, her voice still noticeably breathless from our kiss.
“I was thinking of having a field trip, but with a surprise element.” I open the bag I brought with me and pull out the package, holding it up to her.
“What’s that?” she asks as she reaches out and takes it from my hands.
“Consider this a trust exercise, but with a sexy twist.”
Her jaw drops and her gaze snaps up to mine as soon as she realizes what it is. “A vibrator!”
I nod and pull out the remote that I removed from the package after I bought it. “You wear it, but I control it.”
She looks a little breathless, and for a minute I wonder if she really will kill me for this, but then she looks back down at the box and begins opening it up. She pulls out the small bullet shaped vibrator that’s about as long as her pointer finger, but about as thick as two fingers. She looks back at me and then back at the vibe, and I can tell she’s considering it. I feel a little giddy that she hasn’t shut me down completely.
“Wait, you said something about a field trip.”
“Oh, yeah. I have a band thing at Amoeba. We’re doing a small interview and then a live performance. You’re coming with me, and we’re going to take this bad boy for a test drive.”
Her gorgeous eyes go wide again, and I watch her throat move as she swallows nervously. When she speaks, I’m not surprised that her voice comes out a little breathy, and I can’t lie—it makes me hard.
“You want me to wear this in public?”
