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I wanted to do the right thing by Paige and tell her before I left, face to face like she deserves, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t see her already hurting and intentionally make it worse.
I feel the burn behind my eyes and put the heel of my palm against my lids to keep it back. I love Paige more than anything, but this has been harder than I thought it would be. I can’t do it anymore.
My chest burns and constricts at the idea of never seeing Paige again. And to top it all off, I couldn’t even tell her I love her before I left, knowing that I had to break things off.
The truth is I’ll probably love Paige for the rest of my life – actually, scratch that, I willdefinitelylove Paige for the rest of my life – but it doesn’t change our current circumstances.
My coach is right. I need to focus on football.
I land at PDX and fill my dad in on the trip. He keeps glancing at me with concern written all over his face. I can tell he wants to ask. I’ve confided in him a lot lately. He knows how much this whole situation has torn me up. He always liked Paige, but he can see how everything is wearing on me.
He finally asks, “How’d your talk go with Paige?”
“I couldn’t do it,” I mumble, looking out the window.
“Jack, you know I support you no matter what, right?”
“Yeah, dad, I know.”
“It kills me to see you like this, kid.”
“I know, dad. It’s killing me, too.”
As soon as we get home, I head straight to my room. I can’t wait any longer. It’s going to hurt no matter when I do it, but the longer I wait, the worse it’ll be. I know Paige could sense what was coming at the airport.
Me: I made it home safely.
Paige: I’m glad. I miss you already.
I take a deep breath. I don’t want to do this over a text, but I think it’ll literally break me if I have to hear her crying over the phone. I can’t stand to hear Paige cry, ever, but knowing that I’m the one causing it will gut me. So, I take the coward’s way out.
Me: Paige, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.I think we should break up.
Seventeen
I stare at the words on my phone.
Jack: Paige, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.I think we should break up.
I can’t help the sob that spills suddenly from my throat or the tears that stream down my face. Did Jack seriously just break up with me over a text message? I’m devastated, but I’m also furious. We’ve been friends our whole life, and he’s breaking up with me over a text?
A freaking text?!
I thought I was worth more than that. I still can’t give up, though.
I try calling him, but he sends me straight to voicemail. I pull up our text messages and respond to him.
Me: You said you’d fight for us. This isn’t fighting.
Jack: I know. I tried Paige. This is too hard. I can’t do it.
Me: Are you seriously breaking up with me over a text? Is that how little I mean to you??
The tears are pouring down my face now. I’m sobbing uncontrollably and damn near hyperventilating because I’m crying so hard. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.
This can’t be happening.
This cannot be happening.
