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Oh, God.
In the haze of my crying, I faintly hear the door open.
“Paige?”
It’s my mom, and I can hear the concern in her tone, but I can’t respond because I’m trying so hard to breathe through this clenching pain in my chest and the unrelenting tears. I feel her sit on the bed, and she pulls me to her. I hug her hard, soaking her sweater with my tears. I’m for sure ugly crying at this point, but nothing matters right now.
I hear my dad come into the room and feel him sit on the other side of me. “What’s wrong?” He whispers to my mom.
I don’t hear her respond, but he wraps his arms around me. I’m cocooned by my loving parents, and that’s when the dam fully breaks – I honestly had no idea it was possible to cry any harder, but here I am, spilling my guts out through my tears. My heart is shattering more and more with every second that Jack doesn’t respond. I wait for hours, but he never texts me back.
It’s really over.
I can’t believe this.
He didn’t fight at all.
Eighteen
Her last message taunts me. Like it has for the past week that I’ve been here at football camp.
I never responded. I feel like scum about it, but I couldn’t. Does she really think so little of me? Paige is worth more than anything in the world. It’s why it was so hard to let her go. I would’ve preferred that she call me a coward instead of questioning how much she means to me. I know better than anyone how much of a coward I really am.
My football game suffered for a few days before I finally threw all my grief into it. Now, I’m better than ever – at least according to the coaches – but I feel hollow inside. I don’t know if it’ll ever feel the same without Paige, but football is all I have left now. I’m going to throw everything I have into it.
The first day of school is always bittersweet. I like getting to see my friends again, but it sucks that the summer is over. This was by far the hardest summer of my life. I haven’t spoken to Paige. Not once. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking. Every day there’s something that I want to tell her, but I can’t. She hasn’t texted me, and I haven’t texted her. What would I even say? Nothing has changed. We’re still on opposite sides of the country.
Apparently, word has spread that I’m now single. Three girls have already flirted with me today. I feel sick to my stomach at the idea of being with someone beside Paige. I can’t help but wonder if she’s started school yet. Are boys flirting with her?
I’m not prepared for the red-hot rage that courses through me at the idea of some other guy getting to touch her, to see her every day. The jealousy is blinding. I have to get to class, so I can get through this day and make it to practice. That’s the only place where thoughts of Paige don’t plague me.
I move past the hoard of girls trying to ask me mundane questions, like how my summer was, in a weak attempt to flirt with me. I want to respond:How was my summer? It sucked. I ripped my own heart out. How the fuck was yours?But I know better. Instead, I mutter “fine,” put my head down and continue walking down the hall.
God, even I can hear the bitterness in my voice. I need to keep my eyes on the prize – football.
That’s where my focus lies, and that’s where it’ll remain.
After all, it’s all I have left.
