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Straight into my heart
Like you were always meant to be there.
But the universe interfered
Taking away the only thing I wanted
Now I can’t stop thinking
What if?
What if you were mine
The way I’ve always been yours?
What if you saw my demons
And still chose me?
What if I told you I loved you?
Could you
Would you
Ever say it back?
What if I was stronger?
Strong enough to let you go or finally tell you the truth.
What if.
It’s like he knows exactly how I feel.I fight the urge to look at Miles since I can feel the weight of my dad’s stare as he watches me, waiting eagerly for my reaction.
“You see what I mean?”
I nod my head and then clear my throat.“You’re right.It definitely feels different.”
It’s going to be a hit.I can already tell simply based on my dad’s reaction.The last time he felt this way about a song he worked on, it hit number 1 on Billboard.But all I can focus on is the loss and regret in Tristan’s voice as he sings the words with Trent.
I don’t want to live wonderingwhat iffor the rest of my life.
The band finishes their set, and my dad goes in, clapping Tristan on the back and looking like the proudest of papa bears.Trent stands nearby, a similar smile on his face, while Tristan fights a blush and seems to brush off their praise.Even Robbie’s praise can’t seem to get him to bask in his success, which surprises me because from what I can tell, he and Robbie are as tight as brothers.
My dad checks his watch and then mentions something about them all meeting up before their next studio session to nail down the next few tracks and the few tweaks he wants to make to this one.Then Miles, Kasen, and Robbie make their way to the door while my dad continues talking to Trent and Tristan.They seem to be heading out, and my heart drops to my stomach as I realize this is my chance—my only chance because I’m afraid if I don’t do it now, I’ll chicken out completely—to correct my earlier mistake of turning him down.
Miles hesitates at the door as Kasen and Robbie walk out and then glances my direction.Our gazes lock and the rest of the room fades away.The tether he seems to have on my heart pulls taut—begging my body to move closer to him and let him fight all my demons.
But the mind is a powerful opponent, and it’s been triumphant over my heart for so long, it’s hardly even a competition.It’s the hesitation that brings reality back into stark focus, and I fight back the burn of tears threatening to build behind my eyes.
It’s not Miles’s job to fight my demons.It’s mine.And it’s not fair to even entertain the idea of having a relationship with him—or anyone for that matter—until I’ve finally beat them.
With one last longing look, I admire the strength and beauty of a man who can never be mine and then focus back on the notes my dad took.
It’s not until I hear the click of the door closing that I look up again, this time not bothering to hide the hurt and disappointment.
I hate myself a little bit when the first thought that enters my mind when the door closes iswhat if I was stronger?
