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11
What the actual fuck is wrong with me?I can’t believe I turned him down.For the millionth time today, I shake my head and fight the urge to scream at myself for being the biggest idiot in the world.I haven’t had the courage to tell Rikki because I know exactly what she’s going to say—the lecture she’ll give me on letting opportunities pass me by when they’re right smack dab in front of my face.
And she’d be totally right.
But I panicked.
I couldn’t believe he was asking me out.Never in a million years did I think Miles freaking Tallon would ask me out on a date.
Me!
Especially not after I shut down last time he attempted to talk to me.
He was sitting there looking sexier than sin with his long chocolatey-brown hair that matches his captivating eyes.Eyes I swear see right into my soul and make my panties damp for the first time in my life.I wish I could say it was just his incredible good looks that have me completely mesmerized by him, but it’s more than that.
When Miles looks at me, it’s as if he really sees me—not the put-together girl I present to the world but the damaged one who’s just trying to hold herself together.There’s an understanding in his eyes that tells me he sees that piece of my soul I try to hide from everyone else, and it makes me want to try.It makes me want to take a chance on him.
But how can I put all my baggage on someone else when I’ve barely unpacked it myself?There’s a big part of me that wants to tell him everything—just get it all out in the open so he truly understands what he’s getting himself into.But a bigger part of me is terrified of his rejection.It’s a big deal to me that my body has started to come alive at the mere thought of him when it’s been years since I even felt so much as a hint of a tingle.I don’t want to lose what little spark he’s brought to life.I long for him to love me for all my ugly bits as much as my beautiful ones, but I can admit I’m a coward too afraid to take the risk.Which is why I told him no when every bone in my body was screaming for me to say yes.
So now I sit here watching him pound on his drums, sweat glistening against his hairline, his head bopping to the beat he’s playing.Absently, I nibble the tip of my pink pen, unable to move my gaze away from the display in front of me.
What if I stopped him after the session and told him I changed my mind?
Would he laugh at me, or would he be happy?
My dad mumbles something next to me and then makes a note on the notepad he keeps next to him.I bought him an iPad specifically for his notetaking after he left one of his beloved notepads behind for an important session.It took me two years to realize he never ended up using it, and when I asked him why not he said he didn’t trust technology with his notes.So instead, he keeps things old school and inevitably has a handful of notepads that he uses at any given time with notes for each band he’s working with.
This one is filled with notes he’s been jotting down all day—but the latest one catches my attention.
Tristan—FUCKING FINALLY!
I glance at Tristan playing his guitar and singing the chorus with Trent—his deep, melancholy voice the perfect complement to his brother’s—and then glance back at my dad.
“Did he hit a note he’s been missing?”As far as I can tell, there’s nothing new about this session, but obviously I’ve missed something because my dad looks like a kid at Christmas.
“No, he finally put his fucking soul into it.”
“What?”
He swivels his chair toward me and smiles wide.“Remember when I told you he was holding back?”
“Yeah.”
He looks at me like I should figure out where this is going and then rolls his eyes affectionately.“Have you been listening to the lyrics?”
No, because I’ve been distracted by Miles, but there’s no way in hell I’m confessing that to my dad.
“Apparently not closely enough.”
He shakes his head and then turns the volume up slightly.“Listen.”
The words flow through the speakers and as I let them wash over me, it’s not Tristan I’m thinking about, although it’s uncanny how fitting his words seem to be.
Did you know the first time we met,
I couldn’t breathe?
Wearing high-top Converse you walked
