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He nods and we walk over to the bench.I notice when we sit that he makes sure to leave lots of space between us, and I hate the distance even if I know it’s for the best.
“I’m sorry I freaked out.That kiss was…” I glance over at him to find him already watching me but with an unreadable expression.Feeling bashful and embarrassed, I admit, “It was the best kiss I’ve ever had.I’m sorry I ruined it.”
His expression softens.“You didn’t ruin it, and you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes, I do.I knew better.I knew something likethat,” I say, gesturing toward the area of the garden where I had my meltdown, “was possible if I tried to be intimate with someone.But the ambiance and romance of the garden and how safe you made me feel made me want to try.”I look down at my hands, feeling foolish.
“Can I hold your hand?”
My head shoots up and I stare at him in shock.“What?”
The corner of his lip tilts up in slight smile.“I really want to touch you and offer you some comfort, but I don’t know if that would be appreciated.Feel free to tell me to fuck off if it’s not okay.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper.
He reaches out slowly and takes my hand in his.There’s a roughness to his palm that’s soothing.His thumb brushes over the top of my hand, and goose bumps sprinkle my skin.I bask in the pleasant feeling of his touch before he speaks again.
“What happened?”
I start from the beginning and tell him the events of that night.I don’t go into all of the details, but enough that he gets a clear picture.When I’m done, I feel lighter, but I also feel like I’m waiting for the jury to tell me the verdict.
Did I just drive him away for good, or will he still want to give me a chance, knowing how damaged I am and all the baggage I come with?
“Is he still alive?”he asks randomly.
“As far as I know, why?”
“So your dad doesn’t know.”
My heart drops to my stomach.“How’d you know?”
“Because there’s no way in hell your dad would let that guy continue to breathe after what he and his friends did to you.”
“You’re probably right, but I’d like to avoid having to visit my dad in jail, so if we could keep this between us, I would appreciate it.”
He watches me carefully for a few minutes before he nods his head.“Your secret’s safe with me.”
“Thank you,” I say.
“Is this why you turned me down when I asked you out?”
Letting out a heavy sigh, I admit, “Yeah.It’s not fair to you.”
He frowns.“What do you mean?”
“I have a shit ton of baggage and issues that you shouldn’t have to deal with.”
“Everyone’s got baggage,” he says.“You shouldn’t let that keep you from living your life and taking chances.Baggage only stays baggage if you let it hold you back.”
“Is that your way of saying I should go out with you?”
He smiles and gently squeezes my hand.“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“You seriously still want to go out with me after all this?”
“Tamsin, you make me feel something I’ve never felt before, and I’d be an idiot not to see what we could be together.I’m willing to take things slow if you’re willing to give us a shot.”
