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17
So much about Tamsin makes a lot more sense now.An unfamiliar rage burns in the pit of my stomach as I think about the shit-stain who violated her.I promised I wouldn’t tell her dad—and I’m a man of my word—but that doesn’t mean I can’t use my own resources to find this asswipe.I’m not a naturally violent guy, but I doubt I’d feel bad breaking every bone in his body.
But the most important piece of tonight is that she trusted me with this secret to begin with.She didn’t have to divulge all the details.She could’ve just told me she’d had a bad experience with a guy and I would’ve taken her word for it.But instead she opened herself up to me.She doesn’t understand what giving that kind of trust does to a guy like me, a guy who knows the value of trust and already craves everything from her.
Now the question is where do we go from here?
I’m glad I trusted my instincts to take it slow or I doubt I would’ve gotten this far with her.And that would’ve been a real travesty.
Her hand is still safely tucked in mine, but there’s a noticeable tremble that tells me this has taken a lot out of her.I need her to know that she hasn’t scared me away.She clearly thinks she’s damaged goods, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
She might just be the strongest woman I’ve ever met.
Giving her hand another gentle squeeze, I say, “So are you willing to see where this goes?No pressure.If you decide I’m repulsive after the first date, I won’t take offense.Well, maybe I’ll take a little offense, but I’ll survive.But I don’t know if I’ll survive always wondering what could’ve been if we’d never tried.”
She smiles and lightly squeezes my hand.“I’d love to go out with you.”
The last time I was nervous about a date, I was sixteen and about to take out a girl whose dad had a notorious rifle collection he liked to show off to potential suitors.The last guy I knew who attempted to take her out on a date made it five minutes before he pissed his pants and took a raincheck.
Tonight I’m nervous for a very different reason.I’m well aware this might be my one and only chance to show Tamsin I’m worth it—that she can trust me with more than her secrets.One misstep tonight and I feel like I’ll lose any future we could have together, which is why I’ve decided not to touch her.It might kill me, but it’d be a worthy sacrifice to show her a man can have self-control.
So, tonight she gets to take the lead.I thought it would rub me wrong to give up control to her, but instead it’s almost invigorating.It’s like exercising a different kind of control, all for her ultimate pleasure down the road.Instead of feeling weird or unnatural, it feels right.
She fidgets in the seat next to me, and I fight the urge to place my hand on her knee like I normally would.It might feel right to give her control, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.Especially when she looks as hot as she does in her tight skinny jeans and blue top that wraps around her neck and shows off the tattoos on her half sleeve and just enough stomach to hint at the tattoo that wraps around her hip.
“I like your tats,” I say, hoping to distract myself from all the exposed flesh that already has my pants tightening.
“Thanks,” she says with a nervous smile.It’s my goal to get her nerves to go away as soon as possible.
“Do they mean anything special?”
“The lotus flower on my shoulder is for my mom; she had the same tattoo.The rest of my sleeve is a depiction of Neverland.”
“Like from Peter Pan?”
“Yeah,” she says, her voice dropping slightly.
“Is that your favorite story?”
“Not exactly.I got it as soon as I turned eighteen.I’d been thinking about it since I was seventeen after a particularly tough time—nothing in particular had triggered it, but afterward I wanted something that made me feel strong, and I remembered reading once that Neverland was supposed to be a metaphor for escapism and there was nothing I had wanted more than to escape.I don’t know.Maybe it was stupid to get that permanently etched on my skin, but I love it.I found the artist on social media and we spent several months going over the specifics.Then on my birthday, I went in and we started working on it.She did an incredible job, and I went back right after that and had her tattoo cherry blossoms on my hip.”
"Is there special meaning to those?”
She smiles.“I’ve always loved the spring and looking at pictures of the cherry blossoms blooming.It’s on my bucket list to go to Japan one day for the cherry blossom festival.”
“Your dad didn’t mind you getting tattoos so young?”
She angles her body toward me as much as the seatbelt will allow her.“Do I detect a hint of reproach?I didn’t take you for a prude, Mr.Tallon.”
Fuck, it’s kinda hot when she says my name all proper like that, but I need to stay focused.Tonight is about getting to know her—and keeping my hands to myself.
“I’m not a prude.I even have a tat myself, if you must know.”
She laughs.“Oh, I know.I’ve seen pictures from your shows.You love to lose your shirt during performances.”
I can’t help laughing at that.“Busted.But hey, the ladies love it and I’ve gotta give the fans what they want,” I say with a self-deprecating roll of my eyes.
“Uh-huh.Likely story.”
