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He carries me through his house, but I don’t look around.I’m too busy kissing him, my eyes closed tight as I let myself feel everything Miles brings out in me.He places me down on a bed, and it’s then that I realize he brought me to his bedroom.
For the first time tonight, trepidation weaves its way through my lust, dulling all the blissful sensations I just felt, but not enough for me to stop Miles when he leans down and kisses me again.I slide up on the bed and lay back, trying desperately to ignore that my heart is no longer racing from desire.Miles straddles me, his arms and legs acting as a cage that might make some girls feel small and protected but makes me instantly stiffen.
His arms flex and he stops his descent.“You okay?”
“Mmmhmm,” I murmur, nodding my head vigorously and begging the universe not to ruin this night for me.
You’re safe.He’s not going to hurt you.Please don’t do this.
He sits back and rests his hands on his thighs.“Tamsin, tell me the truth.Are you okay?”
Closing my eyes against the onslaught of frustrated tears, I shake my head.With a shaky breath, I say, “I’m sorry.”
The bed shifts and I feel him lie down beside me.He brushes a tear from my cheek.“Hey, none of that now.It’s okay.We don’t have to do anything tonight.”
“But I want to,” I cry, wishing he could understand.Understand my frustration, my need, my fear.He has no idea how badly I wanted to be with him tonight.To feel his hands all over me, his mouth, his cock.I wanted it all.
I wanted to be normal.
A girl falling for a guy and being intimate with him.
“Baby Girl,” he whispers soothingly.“Come here,” he says as he pulls me into a hug.For a split second, my body tightens, but then relaxes into his embrace.We lie like that for a long time, him holding me close, running his fingers through my hair while I cry silent tears and try to get my shit together.
Neither of us speaks until my tears have long dried up.I’m working up the nerve to break the silence when he speaks first.
“Is it because I was on top of you?”
“It started when we came in the room, but when you got on top of me it felt like my body completely locked up and someone poured ice water over me at the same time.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute.“What if you had all the control?”
I rotate my head to look up at him.“What do you mean?”
“Are you willing to try something?I don’t want to trigger you, but I have an idea that might help.”
“What is it?”
At this point, I’ll try anything.
