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I’m thankful I planned to seduce him tonight and wore matching black satin panties and bra.Any other color and I’m sure he’d be able to see the full extent of how turned on I am—there’d be no denying the damp spot at the apex of my thighs.
As gracefully as I can, I climb on the bed, my gaze now locked on his.His deep, burning eyes give me confidence as I straddle him and place myself directly on top of his erection.The pressure of it between my legs instantly reignites the fire I’d felt earlier before he placed me on the bed.
God, it feels so good.So much better than I ever imagined—and there’s still a barrier of clothes between us.How good will it feel completely naked?
My hands slide up and down his pecs, feeling the muscles tense underneath his smooth skin when I give in and grind against him.His head falls back against the pillow and he lets out the sexiest groan, but he doesn’t roll his hips or move in any other way apart from squeezing his hands into fists.
I continue grinding, and the pressure between my thighs builds.I let out a breathy sigh and continue rolling my hips, seeking that elusive release I’ve been aching for.
But it doesn’t come.
Frustration builds, and I must make a noise or something that clues Miles in because he instantly calls my name, pulling me out of my head.
“Hey, what’s going on?We can stop.”
My hips stop moving and my whole body sags on top of Miles until we’re chest to chest, my face buried in his neck in a weak attempt to hide the tears developing at the corner of my eyes.His arms flinch when he attempts to move them, but the restraints only let him move an inch or so.Letting out a frustrated groan, he leans his head against mine.His voice is low and soothing when he speaks.“Hey hey.It’s okay.We’ll stop for the night.”
“I’m sorry.I don’t know what’s wrong with me.I should be able to do this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tamsin.Not a damn thing.”
I sit up, no longer caring if he sees my now red-rimmed, wet eyes.“How can you say that?I can’t even orgasm!How normal is that?”
“First of all,normalis subjective, so there’s no point worrying about trying to be anything but who you are.Second, you’d be surprised how many people—men and women—struggle to orgasm.It might not be talked about often, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.That doesn’t make you broken or damaged or any other awful thing I can see you thinking.You’re perfect, Tam.Fucking perfect,” he says almost reverentially.
I stare at him, my mouth agape and my mind spinning.How can this man see me this way?Or maybe more importantly, how did I get so lucky to find someone who does?Someone who sees me as beautiful and perfect in the midst of me feeling completely inadequate.
“Tell you what.Unstrap me from these things and we can save them for next time.”
“Next time?”I ask, still unbelieving that this incredibly patient and understanding man is interested in me when he could have someone who’s a lot less work.
He nods.“For tonight, let’s get dressed, eat some food, and snuggle on the couch.How’s that sound?”
“Like heaven,” I say.Before moving off him, I cup his face with my hands and give him a tender kiss, hoping he can feel all my gratitude in that one action.
Later, when we’re curled up together on his couch, I decide it’s finally time to take Rikki’s suggestion and start seeing my therapist again.I don’t want to mess things up with Miles, and I’ve never really dealt with the trauma of that night.When I first started seeing my therapist years ago, I kept a lot of that night to myself.She’s tried to pull it out of me over the years, but I didn’t want to face it, so I started going to her less and less.
But if he’s willing to believe in me, then I need to believe in myself, and the first step is getting help.
