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Touch.
I feel comfortable touching him already, so I’m not sure how this lesson will help us deepen our intimacy.Or maybe it’s because I’m already comfortable that he wants to start with it.
Either way, I’m about to find out.
Miles silently grabs my hand and leads me out of the kitchen, picking up his duffle bag on our way to my bedroom.He’s been here several times for movie nights and knows his way well.The walk down the hall is filled with anticipation—my steps light and quick as I squeeze Miles’s hand.
We get to my room and he places the bag on the bed.The pull of the zipper buzzes, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet room.I’m too anxious to speak—barely fighting back the urge to fidget with my hands—but it’s a good anxious.He pulls item after item out of the bag and places them gently on the bed—a feather, a container with flower petals, and a flogger.The last one causes my heart rate to spike, and I open my mouth to ask about it when he turns and says, “Don’t worry.We aren’t going to use this in the traditional sense.”
“Probably a good idea.Not sure I’m quite ready for a flogger.”
His eyebrows shoot up.“You know what a flogger is?”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “I’ve seenFifty Shades of Gray.”
He lets out a groan before rummaging back in his duffle bag.“That movie was terrible for the BDSM community.That’s not what it’s like at all.”
“What is it like?”I ask.We’ve danced around his sexual history, but now I’m wondering if maybe we should’ve had this conversation sooner.
“It’s all about clear communication and consent—but you can’t give full consent when things haven’t been presented clearly.And he didn’t present anything clearly in that movie.Plus they had sex before she’d agreed to the terms.That’s not how things work either.Nothing happens until all parties agree to the terms.”
“We haven’t established any terms.”
He turns to me then, his mouth slightly parted and his eyes a little wider than usual before he frowns.“We’re not in that kind of relationship.”
“What kind are we in?”
He walks to me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.When he reaches me, he cups my cheeks.My heart nearly seizes in my chest at the open and vulnerable expression on his face.
“I want to be yours, Tamsin.And I want you to be mine.”
If he only knew.“I’m already yours,” I say, leaning closer and tipping my head up, offering my lips to him.He doesn’t hesitate.His kiss is deep and passionate, yet tender and slow.It’s filled with promise and trust and something else that’s been brewing between us.It makes me feel safe, desired, and yet hungry at the same time.Hungry for the deepest kind of intimacy with him, for the ability to give him every piece of me—heart, body, and soul.
He breaks the kiss.“You’re way too tempting, Baby Girl.”
I smile.And here I thought he was the tempting one.It’s nice to know I’m not the only one suffering.
“Why don’t you lie on the bed and get comfortable.I need to grab one more thing from your kitchen and then I’ll be ready.”
“Okay,” I say.
As soon as he leaves the room, I strip down to my bra and underwear.I liked feeling my skin against his last time we were together, and I’m hoping we’ll get another chance to try that again tonight.I lie on the bed and wait, but he doesn’t make me wait long.
He enters the room, carrying a bowl of ice in one hand and a glass of water in the other, but his steady stride falters once he passes the threshold and sees me lying on the bed.His gaze slides along every exposed inch of my body, and I can practically feel it as if it were the brush of his fingertips.
“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re sexy.”
If only he knew how unsexy I used to feel—until him.He brings this out in me in a way I worried no one ever could or would.
He takes a steadying breath and then resumes his walk to me.When he reaches the bed, he leans down and gives me another tender kiss.Then he’s all business.
“So, we can do this a couple of ways.You could close your eyes, or you can keep them open.”
“Don’t people usually use a blindfold for this kind of thing—to enhance the senses or whatever?”
“Yeah, but I thought that might be too much for right now.”I must give away a small flicker of sadness because he’s quick to add, “Don’t worry.I have plans for a blindfold in the future, but not until I know you’re ready.”
“How will you know?”I ask him, even though I’m really asking myself as well.How willIknow when I’m ready?And how can he be so sure I’ll ever be ready?
