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“That you couldn’t put your arms around my child.”
“Damn it, Ren, listen to me! I...I was barely holding myself together, and—”
“And an innocent child,mychild, was showing affection.”
“She should have been mine!”
Katrina hadn’t meant to shout at him, and his dark eyes when they turned to her made her blood run cold.
“That woman took what should have been shared between you and me and turned it into something...dark, and she ruined this for us. Don’t you see? She should have beenours. We should have had our first child together. You don’t get a second chance at a first child, Ren. That’s...it hurts. It just hurts.”
“You think it doesn’t hurt me?” he asked, his tone almost too even. “Do you think that seeing her for the first time was easy? Because it’s not a picnic up here right now.” He gestured towards his head. “Or here,” he added, placing a hand over his heart. Tears had streaked down his face, and she could see them falling still. “And the first time I see her, I see you shunning her.”
“I wasn’t shunning her.”
“Like hell you weren’t. You should go.”
“I’m not leaving you alone right now.”
He took another drag off his cigarette then dropped it as he exhaled and ground it with his heel. “Maybe I’m not asking.”
She crossed her arms. “Make me leave then.”
He sighed and pulled out another cigarette, pausing when she reached her hand out. Almost reluctantly, he handed the cigarette to her and pulled out another one. “I wasn’t aware you still smoked.”
“I don’t. I wasn’t aware you’d picked it back up.”
“On my way here.” He pulled out his lighter, lighting hers first and then his.
“So you drove like a bat out of hell, had the chance to pick up a pack of smokes—”
“I don’t need you judging me.”
“You got out of the hospital how long ago?” She took a drag off the cigarette, cringing at the taste, but the nicotine seemed to calm her nerves just a little.
“We aren’t changing the subject here, Trina.”
“And I’m not leaving. I didn’t shun her. I just...I couldn’t wrap my arms around her and have everyone in there watch me fall apart. Especially not—”
“If you say Emily—”
“Miranda, Ren. Especially not Miranda.”
He silently swiped at the tears still falling down his face, and her heart ached for him.
“What went through you when you finally saw her?”
“I already told you.”
“No...not about me. This isn’t about me. It’s about you, about your daughter. What went through you the first time you laid eyes on her.”
His lower lip trembled, and Katrina had to push back her urge to pull him into her arms. Now wasn’t the time for that, not when he was so withdrawn into himself.
“Did you think of her?”
A sob left Ren, and he drew in a sharp breath as if to steady himself.
“Ren—”
