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Guilt has been gnawing at my insides since my parents decided for me. I hate that I have to do this. I shouldn’t be leaving Essex. I shouldn’t be leaving my best friend. If she could talk, she’d give me a massive amount of shit for not fighting my parents on my attendance at Boulder Cove Academy. Maddie and I always swore we’d stay in public school together, and we never swayed from our decision. Until I had no choice.
Tammy’s eyes widen in surprise. “Three hours away? Wow! Hopefully, you’ll be able to get away from time to time to visit.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I shake my head. “Not until Christmas. They’re pretty strict over there.”
“Well, make the most of today, then. She’ll be here when you return.”
A smile parts my lips. “Thanks, Tammy.”
I continue walking, passing by the kitchen that smells delicious, like cinnamon rolls and sugar cookies. This place isn't your typical nursing home—it’s a mansion-sized home in a gated community with high-paid staff who treat the residents like family. Maddie, being in a coma, doesn’t require much care, but she’s comfortable here.
I knock my knuckles on the open door, putting on my cheerful face as I enter Maddie’s room. “Good morning, beautiful.”
She can't hear me or see me, but I see her.
Leaning down, I kiss her cheek, then set my coffee on the bedside table. “I heard you had a rough night.”
If she could talk, I know she’d tell me all about it. Just like she used to. We talked to each other about everything.
I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone to open our playlist. “Are you ready?”
I tap Play on the screen and “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve plays through the Bluetooth speaker I put in her window when she moved in over a year ago. It’s one of our favorite songs from a movie we used to watch weekly.
“What do you think? Side braids today?”
She doesn’t respond, but sometimes I pretend she does. In this case, I imagine she’s beaming with excitement and screamingyes.
I grab a brush from my bag and pull the hair ties off my wrist.
My hand sweeps under her head gently and I part a chunk of her hair to the right side. It won’t be perfect, but it’s not about perfection. It’s about spending time with my best friend.
“So, I have some news,” I begin. “You remember how I told you they expelled me from Clearwater the last week of school? It was so bad, Maddie. There was no way in hell I could have talked my way out of that one. Someone parked my car in Principal Gunther’s driveway with a gas can in the trunk. Anyway, I ran into his stuck-up daughter last week and she got all up in my face. She was all,you tried to burn my house down. Blah. Blah. Blah. Which you and I both know I didn’t do. They did this to hurt me. A girl can only take so much, so I head-butted the bitch and broke her nose.” I laugh, but it’s not at all funny. The whole situation is beyond fucked up.
I feel like an ass for even rehashing this story, but it’s necessary to explain why I’m leaving. Still weaving the braid, I get to the point of the story. “Anyway. Two school expulsions in one school year, topped with all the other things they did to make me out to be an insurgent, and my parents are sending me off to BCA.” I hold my breath as the words leave my mouth, hands held still with the wispy ends of Maddie’s brunette hair wrapped around my fingers.
One of her monitors goes haywire and I see that her blood pressure is up again. When it doesn’t stop, I drop the braid and rest my head on her shoulder, trying to calm her. “It’s okay, Maddie. Everything is okay.”
We’ve known for a while that Maddie’s brain is still functioning, and on the off chance she can hear me when I talk to her, I keep doing it. I tell her everything as if she’s my own personal diary. Moments like this, I’m certain she hears what I tell her, though we can’t be sure.
The machine continues to beep as her heart rate spikes, too. “Calm down, babe.” I walk around to the other side of the bed, peeking my head out to see if one of the nurses is coming, but I don’t see anyone.
I panic, but not because I’m worried about leaving—because I’m worried abouther.
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I watch my best friend lie there without a voice.
Why? Why her? Why this sweet girl who had a bright future ahead of her? Why not me?
The next thing I know, Tammy and another staff member rush into the room. “You’ll need to leave.”
“I can calm her down. Please, just let me talk to her.”
“I’m sorry, hun. You can return tomorrow and hope for a better day.
“But…”
Tomorrow I’ll be gone.
I take a step back, watching as they adjust the monitors and the cuff on Maddie’s arm. Tears slide down my cheeks and I die a little inside, just like I do each time I have to leave her here alone.
